Season 4, Episode 1: Coming Home

“It doesn’t”.

Those two ominous words were left on Facebook in the last post where I hoped that the next season was better than Season 3.  So, with that optimism in mind, here we go.

Looks like Pacey and Joey didn’t meet Davy Jones on his boating trip, as they’ve returned to Cape Side unscathed.  And happy.  Dammit.  I was at least hoping they’d have lost a finger in a rope accident on stormy seas or something cool.  Pacey is definitely not in a rush to get home, probably because his dad is going to letgitamtely kill him for taking off for the summer.  Or it’s because the two of them have been so happy at sea, and now they have to get back to all the drama they left behind that they haven’t missed for the last two months.  In one final attempt to convince me she’s cool, Joey proposes jumping off the boat for the first time the whole trip.  How the hell did they go eight weeks without jumping off the boat?

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Meanwhile at the beach(since when?), Dawson shows off his cool new hair.

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A little something for the ladies.

What the fuck is that?  Why does his hair get progressively worse each season?

Anyway, turns out that Dawson has traded his love of film for a love of photography.  I mean that as a joke, because I realize that anyone can take a picture.  Looks like he and Jack have spent the summer painting houses (EXPOSITION!), which must mean that Gail’s restaurant failed, because there’s no way in hell this clown worked two jobs.  He and Jack have to run to the hardware store for more painting supplies and leave Jen and Andi.

Andi, turns out, hasn’t been laid in a while and she is HORN-Y.  There are two guys hanging nearby at the beach, and Jen encourages Andi to go talk to them.  As if!  Jen tells her that she’s never going to get any if she doesn’t put herself out there and leaves Andi to ponder her dilemma, eye fucking the two guys on the beach as she does so.

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As they depart the boat, Pacey realizes that they need to be prepared for nosy people asking them “the question” of whether they banged or not.  My money is on no, what with Joey being a frigid bitch and all, but she did willingly go on Pacey’s boat, and, as Dennis Reynolds famously pointed out, there are certain “implications”.  Joey doesn’t think it’s anyone’s business, which Pacey blows off, saying that everyone is going to make it their business.  They keep stalling, talking about their first night apart in two months, and finally work up the gumption to leave each other.  How fucking romantic.

Some chick asks Dawson for help at the hardware store, and he’s, quite frankly, a real dick to her.  Until he realizes that it’s Gretchen.  Who’s Gretchen, you ask?  Fucked if I know, and they’re not telling us, with Dawson telling Jack that it’s a “long story”.  Gretchen is stacked, by the way.

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Wow, cool, Joey.  You sailed the east coast for two months and got Bessie a fucking plant.  I think you could do a little better, what with abandoning her while her business was still in its infancy.  A business that you’re supposed to help with.  Bessie doesn’t seem to care, though, and is more preoccupied with whether Joey and Pacey got it on.  Joey keeps telling her that it’s none of her business, and goes to find that Bessie rented Joey’s room out for the summer.  Awesome!  Good for you, Bessie!  Joey is alarmed, even more so when Bessie hands her the bed and breakfast’s ledger, which  shows the number 12,370.  Joey is all apologetic for torpedoing her sister’s livelihood, but Bessie explains that the B&B is the most successful in New England, because of course it is!

Looks like Andi finally worked up the courage to talk to the two beefcakes at the beach, but they’re tragically both French and named Jean.  Wow.  Just wow.  Do they smoke small cigarettes and wear berets when they’re not on the beach?  Jesus.  They ask Andi and Jen, who shows up, to show them around The Creek.  Jen can’t do it, but super horny Andi has no qualms about taking two strangers around town.

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Pacey tries to move back in with Dougie, but there’s a problem; Dougie rented out the room to a girl.  Insert obligatory “Dougie is gay” comments from Pacey, until we realize that the new roommate is that Gretchen chick from earlier, who also happens to be Pacey’s big sister.  Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Joey approaches Dawson’s house and just walks on in like she owns the fucking joint.  Literally.  She walks in and just starts shouting for anyone, welcoming herself to Dawson’s room.  I was joking earlier about Dawson taking up photography, but I could be wrong, as the walls are now covered in photos of him and his new friends having just the best time hanging out.  You know that they’re artistic photos too, because they’re all in black and white.

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Dawson explains his relationship with Gretchen to Jack as they paint.  She was his first crush when he saw her in a bathing suit as a kid, trying to water balloon her.  Creep.  Nothing ever came of his relationship with Pacey’s older sister, which leads me to believe that he’s going to try to fuck her as some kind of revenge against Pacey.

Jen bores Joey with more exposition about Henry.  Looks like he got a football scholarship while he was at football camp (what?) and now attends boarding school four hours away.  Grams thinks it bullshit that Jen stayed with him, because youth is for the young and she should be enjoying herself rather than pining for him and what about all the shit about the guy you kissed who was your first love Grams?  This is quite the departure from two months ago, and Jen tells her to get the fuck out.

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After she leaves, Jen asks Joey the big question.  Joey, naturally, gives her a super sarcastic answer that they banged each and every second of every day, causing Jen to back off.  Joey looks through the window at Dawson’s house and asks how everyone else is doing, and Jen responds that they’re fine.  She invites Joey to something called the “Dive In” that night, but Joey isn’t sure that’s the best idea.  Jen pushes her, and she agrees to go.

Andi is still giving the French guys the tour of The Creek, which is such a boring town as is, so they’re probably glad they have no idea what she’s saying.  Well, one of them doesn’t and the other’s English is so-so.  Turns out that they’re from Paris, a city that Andi has always wanted to visit because it’s just so romantic.  She goes on to describe it, and the one guy tells her that she needs to visit it, because she already knows it so well.

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Dawson, in his new dark room (fuck!), asks Jen how Joey is doing and Jen tells him that she’s fine.  She mentions inviting her to the Dive In and he gets all pissy, until Jen reminds him that they need to talk in order to be friends again.  Dawson wants to know why she even gives a shit about he and Joey, and Jen confesses that she’s felt terrible all summer because she feels like she bears some of the responsibility for Pacey and Joey getting together.  Dawson doesn’t comfort her, but seems to understand.

Sigh.

Motherfucker.

Literally.

Dawson comes downstairs with Jen and walks in on his parents fucking on the couch.

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Some things never change, which does not bode well for this season.

Pacey visits Joey and asks if he can crash on her couch.  Unfortunately that’s a big N-O, as she doesn’t even have a room to stay in, and will be crashing on the couch herself.  He then changes the subject to what they can do together that evening, and Joey tells him about the Dive In.  He’s not ready to go public with their relationship just yet.  Joey tells him that they’re going together, and that she needs to square things away with Dawson.  What better way to do that then rub her new relationship in his grill?  Pacey agrees to go, but sure doesn’t look thrilled about it.

So it turns out the the Dive In is a kind of beachy drive in, which I have to admit, is kind of cool.  That is, until you try to make out with a chick and she vomits all over you from seasickness.  The gang is all there and Dawson says what’s on everyone’s mind; that Andi is about to get double-teamed by her French admirers.  As they’re all laughing, Pacey shows up and Dawson gets fucking furious at Jen, asking her why the fuck he’s there.  Sensing the awkwardness from afar, Pacey agrees to let Joey go say hi while he gets some drinks.

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As Joey approaches, Dawson leaves, telling Jen that he doesn’t have to talk to her.  What a baby.

Gretchen shows up at the Dive In, which doesn’t please Pacey.  He’s still pissed at her for taking his digs at Dougie’s.  They have a witty repartee back and forth, until she mentions Joey.  She always had a feeling they’d end up together, what with them both being snarky underdogs.  Pacey asks her again why she’s back in town from college, and she sticks with the story we’ve heard all episode about her needing to take a break from school for a little while.

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Dawson, in a continuing act of childishness, refuses to sit on the boat with Jack and Joey.  Jen asks him if he wants to know if they banged, and sure enough, he does.  She tells him that he just needs to get it over with and talk to her.  It will be painless.  He understands that.  He knows that it will be awkward, but that it will ultimately be painless, and that’s what’s so comforting about it; how familiar that will feel.

Upon this revelation, he decides to put on his big boy pants and talk to Joey.  True to form, the conversation is awkward as fuck, but they exchange pleasantries politely enough.  Meanwhile, Pacey watches the exchange from a distance, and realizing that it’s not blowing up, gets pissed and leaves.

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Their encounter is short enough, and as Dawson leaves, Joey seems to recognize that it was pretty superficial, which seems to bum her out.  Dawson, meanwhile, goes off and cries.

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Andi spots Pacey and gets all weird towards the French guys.  She explains that he’s her ex and that she isn’t ready to see him yet, and asks if the one who speaks English well enough has a girlfriend, which he does.  Having realized she wanted him for sex, he leaves, causing Andi to lament that the one who speaks English was taken and how much that sucked, until the other Jean pipes up in actual American English and tells her that  she’s rude.  What a tease!  His name is JJ and he’s understood every word she’s said all day, which is mortifying when you really think about what a spaz she usually is.

Pacey pretty forcibly grabs Joey and tells her that he wants to leave.  Problem is that she’s having fun making everyone feel super awkward and wants to stay.  This causes him to flip the fuck out about how she’s been preoccupied for the last week on the boat and that he knows it’s because of Dawson and that he’s not surprised at all that she was so eager to get back with him.  He needs to take a chill pill, man.  He storms off, leaving her quite confused and pissed.

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Having abandoned her, Dawson finds Joey sulking and offers her a ride home.  She accepts.  Pacey, that may have been the worst plan in history to keep the woman you love in your arms.

The French Jean leaves and JJ outright asks Andi if he can kiss her.  They kiss.  Riveting television.

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Either that, or he’s eating her face

Back at Joey’s, we learn that Dawson just loves photography now, and that it found him.  Joey apologizes for hurting him, and he tells her that it wasn’t easy for him.  I’m not sure why, but Joey mentions that he hadn’t asked her if they’d fucked, and he dramatically says that the answer has the potential to kill him.  Grow up.  Joey runs inside and comes back out with a brick from Hemingway’s house, which I’m pretty sure has to be all kinds of illegal. You can’t just take pieces of historic monuments.  The brick is a symbol of their friendship starting on a new foundation.  Personally, I really hoped she was trying to tell Dawson to kill himself like Hemingway.  Dawson shoots her down (no pun intended), telling her that he’s not sure he wants their friendship back, and that they’ll have to take it a day at a time.  Dismayed, Joey leaves, and as she walks out, tells Dawson that the answer wouldn’t kill him.  I fucking knew it, you frigid bitch!  Dawson looks relieved.

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Despite having been treated like shit, Joey goes to Pacey’s boat and tells him that whenever she’s sad or upset or lonely, she thinks of him, because it makes her feel good.  He sits silently/sullenly as she confesses that she had no intention of ever telling him that, but that she did because she needed to score points for her behavior that night and her preoccupation on the boat all week.  Honestly, Joey, I hate you, but you didn’t do anything wrong that night.  It was your beau who was awful.  She’s felt guilty about things with Dawson, but her heart never left Pacey, and she’ll be goddamned if she’s going to let his insecurity make her stop caring about him.  Just like that, he’s suddenly totally fine and they start making out.

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She asks him if they can do some vague “thing” that they did every night and he gets all cocky.  So they did bang then?  Nope.  They read books together to put each other to sleep.  How quaint.  I’ve got to say though, Pacey’s boat looks mad comfy.

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Rating

Who Cares?

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