Sad, sad music plays as our protagonist, and we pan in on Dawson, who’s looking at…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What is that!? Is that him and Joey? That’s terrible.
Anyway, the opening is a montage. Henry is being a weirdo, waiting outside Jen’s with a sign asking for forgiveness for being a horny creep.
Dawson ignores Pacey in the hallway at school. He won’t make eye contact with Joey in the cafeteria either.
Pacey can’t make eye contact with her, and as she approaches Jack for a friend, Andi looks at Joey like a straight up lunatic.
Finally, Dawson approaches Joey as she stares at the blank wall Pacey bought her. He tells her that he wants her in his life. She asks about Pacey in his life and Dawson’s all, “The damage is done,” but he and Joey can still rebuild their relationship. Not only can they rebuild, he wants to rebuild and move forward. Joey just wants to paint her wall. Thanks for the ambiguous response, Joey. Dawson invites her to a movie night, which she declines, and he tells her that it’s a standing invitation.
Daaaaaamn, Gail is lookin’ foine!
Oh boy. Gail’s restaurant is sponsoring Pacey in the regatta, an agreement that had been made prior to the current shit storm of hate (amazing metal band name, by the way) between Dawson and Pacey. Bro Dad thinks it’s bad form for Gail to keep the sponsorship, but she stands by the marketing for her terribly named restaurant. Way to be as petty as your son, Bro Dad. Dawson comes in and Gail apologizes for sponsoring Pacey. Dawson keeps lying about everything being totally chill and even offers to take the banner to Pacey.
Obviously, things are not cool between Pacey and Dawson. No, they’re straight up weird. Dawson gives him the banner and keeps throwing shade at Pacey for being a backstabbing motherfucker (teacherfucker?), and Pacey tells him that he’s glad that he’s mad at the right person for once. Dawson tells him to save his pity party and kick rocks.
Bessie, who’s giving away free pancakes to advertise the bed and breakfast, see’s Gail’s flag on Pacey’s boat and remarks that maybe that’s a good sign. Joey makes it about herself and how she doesn’t know what to do, and Bessie tells her that she needs to back off and let the two of them sort their shit out. I’m really hoping for a duel. Swords or pistols.
Back at Grams’, she’s roped poor Andi and Jack into making wreaths for the participants in the regatta, which is apparently some rich person tradition or something. While they’re working, Henry shows up with his forgiveness sign, utterly mortifying Jen in front of her friends. Seriously, could Henry be any fucking weirder? Jen explains all about Henry’s horniness and how she didn’t think he was fair, and Grams tells her that maybe she should consider forgiving him, because it’s better to stay on his good side than get added to the human flesh collection in his basement.
Dawson finds Jack and Andi and asks if he can borrow Mr. McFee’s boat. You see, he wants to enter the regatta too. Wow. Way to step on Pacey’s dick, bro. Jack reminds Dawson about that time he crashed Bro Dad’s boat while getting a blowie…
Seriously, never forget
And also that stealing Pacey’s thunder is kind of a dick move. Dawson tells them that it’s not about Pacey, but rather Joey. It will show her he cares. Maybe she’ll give you her favor before the race too! What an antiquated idea of romance you have, Dawson. Jack keeps trying to stop him and finally Andi tells him to shut up, because it’s super romantic and they shouldn’t get in the way of true love. Yeah, I’m sure Mr. McFee will totally be on board with a 16 year old with no sailing experience entering his $100,000 boat in a race.
Dawson finds Joey giving out pancakes and she comments on how relieved she is that they got it sorted out. Dawson’s all, “No, we didn’t get it sorted out. I’m going to crush him in the regatta,” which Joey thinks is kind of dicked. Not to mention that he doesn’t have a sponsor. Except, turns out he paid for Joey’s bed and breakfast’s sponsorship out of his own pocket. DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH HE CARES, JOEY?
After Dawson leaves, Bessie comes back and Joey is fucking furious with her. Now that Bessie chose Dawson, Joey’s obligated to pick a side in this absurd male posturing. Everything was supposed to work itself out! Bessie tells her to shut the fuck and realize that she needs to accept that there are consequences for her actions.
Wow, three episodes in a row for Will. Looks like he got a scholarship to some school, so he’s shipping out. Annnnnnd there he goes. Problem is, he’s worried about Pacey. Andi tells Will that Pacey is an idiot, and Will tells her he thinks it’s good that Pacey went after what he wanted. She gets all pissy about how Pacey made her angry by fucking up the social dynamics and Will tells her that she needs to chill because look what harboring anger did for Anakin Skywalker.
As expected, Dawson doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing on the boat, and Jack is getting pissed. To Dawson’s credit, Jack really doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing either, which is a bit of a problem if you ask me. Bro Dad shows up and it turns out he knows his shit about sailing. He offers to help Dawson not crash and drown, and when Dawson asks about the restaurant sponsoring Pacey, Bro Dad tells him that he’s doing it as his father; not a restaurateur.
Joey see’s the bed and breakfast’s banner flying on Dawson’s boat, and so does Pacey. Joey starts following him, apologizing for the sponsorship, and Pacey is completely at a loss over Dawson entering the regatta. He tells Joey that she’s been a bitch for ignoring him for the past three weeks. To make herself even more bitchy, she implies that she thinks Pacey should drop out of the regatta. What the fuck? It was his idea in the first place! He realizes this too and starts pointing out that no matter what he does, he loses. If he drops out, he looks like a pussy to the bastion of manliness that is Dawson, and if he wins, he hurts Joey. Fuck her. Totally not fair. To try to sooth things, she asks Pacey if he’ll consider talking to Dawson, and Pacey agrees.
Gail grabs Jen in the restaurant and is pissed because Henry showed up with his sign and is freaking out the customers. Rightfully so. She calls him “creepy”, so I’m glad I’m not alone in that sentiment.
To oblige Henry into not being a fucking weirdo anymore, she lets him take her to the roof, where he’s laid out a candlelit picnic. What if she didn’t agree to go? That would have been a huge waste of time. Was being weird to the point of getting her fired from her job his endgame? Because that’s not sociopathic at all. He apologizes again and tells her that he’s glad they’re chaste. Except he’s not, because he’s a teenage guy and she drives him crazy. But he wants everything to be new for her. Henry, she’s not getting her virginity back, and I highly doubt you’ve got any tricks up your sleeve, so I don’t think you have much to offer in the novel sex stuff. They kiss, because Jen apparently suffers from Stockholm Syndrome.
Your face would look good as a mask.
Pacey asks Dawson what he’s trying to prove by entering the regatta, and Dawson sticks by his story about trying to help Joey. Pacey, having had enough of this shit, tells Dawson to take a swing at him and get it over with. Dawson asks him if entering the regatta will make him a better man and is just really a giant dick to Pacey, essentially repeatedly calling him a loser. He asks Pacey if he honestly thought he could compete with Dawson and Joey’s history, and Pacey correctly asks what history he’s referring to. Two failed attempts at dating because neither of them have enough backbone to try and stick out the harder parts? Dawson throws more shade at Pacey and Pacey just walks away. I really wanted a fight, so thanks for nothing, writers.
Oh shit, Jen shows up the next morning in the clothes she was wearing the night before and Grams is pissed! Wait, wasn’t she supposed to be working? She just bailed? Jen confesses that she stayed on the roof with Henry all night and Grams calls Jen a slut, saying that she expected more from the new Jennifer and can’t believe she’s reverting to whore-y NYC Jennifer. Jen tells Gram that she’s hurt that she has such a low opinion of her.
Gail can’t believe that Bro Dad is helping Dawson in the regatta, and Bro Dad tells her that he’s proud of Dawson for fighting for what he wants. He thinks he has more guts than they do. Gail asks him what he’s talking about and he mentions that he thought there was some chemistry brewing between them again. Dude, you divorced her. I mean, what the hell? Gail sits in silence, which is awkward for all involved, so Bro Dad leaves.
The regatta starts. The footage is scored by this hard rock anthem playing the whole time, which is really funny to me. Everyone is working really hard, but Pacey has the lead.
Dawson, clearly not content with the level of asshole he’d hit yet, decides to pull some crazy maneuver that puts him in Pacey’s line. It’s super dangerous because they can crash and Pacey keeps screaming at Dawson to back off. Even Bro Dad tells Dawson to back off and he holds fast, forcing Pacey to pull off to avoid colliding. Dawson comes in first place, but the time it takes Pacey to circle around puts him in fifth.
Dawson is super proud of himself, but Joey comes up, fucking furious, and tells Dawson that he’s disqualified. Good. Seriously, fuck him. Pacey comes up and everyone starts screaming at one another and finally Dawson screams to Pacey that he still loved Joey. There’s a stunned silence and Joey starts freaking out, telling them that she hates what’s happening and what they’re doing to her. This shit isn’t worth it to her and she storms off. Dawson looks stunned. Being a giant asshole having consequences is apparently a new concept to him.
Joey is crying when Dawson approaches, clearly not taking the hint. She tells him that she’s not good for him, and he tells her that he’s trying to be the guy she wants. That’s a good message for impressionable teenagers. Change yourself into a prick if the normal routes don’t work to get a girl. He wants her now more than ever. I have no idea what her response is, because the musical copyrighting cut out all the dialogue.
Pacey shows up to see Will off and makes a tongue-in-cheek remark about not screwing a teacher. Will tells Pacey not to give up on true love. And thus, another ancillary character’s story arc is wrapped up.
Jen is still really salty at Grams for having been called a slut. To make it up to her, Grams brings her some dress that Jen used to wear when she actually was a slut. Grams found it buried in the closet and it reminder her how much she’s grown up. It touches her that Jen is realizing that she deserves to be loved, not just lusted over and starts going into a conversation about her own sex life. I’m feeling a little woozy and the world is starting to go dark. Thankfully, Jen interrupts and tells her that they didn’t bang, which makes Grams really happy.
Bro Dad shows up at the restaurant for a private party that turns out be just for Gail and himself to “work things out”. He sputters about how they’re going to lose customers and she tells him she doesn’t care; he’s more important than the implosion of her credit score should the restaurant go under. He always will be. They kiss.
Pacey finds Joey eyeballing her wall and makes snarky remarks about Dawson. He tells her that the lease on the wall runs up soon and she tells him that she isn’t ready to paint it, but that she doesn’t want to give it up either. I’m not sure if that’s a metaphor for her and Dawson or her and Pacey. Pacey is appalled that she actually seems to love Dawson more because of his childish behavior, which I’ve got to agree with him on – that’s bullshit. He asks if she could love him if Dawson weren’t around. Oh man, did he hire a hitman? “Dawson: Creek on the Run” would be an amazing spin-off. Joey starts crying, so Pacey takes his leave, telling her that he’s going to renew the lease on this stupid wall, no catch.
At his boat, Pacey pulls the name placard off of his boat and throws it into the water. Remember, his boat is “True Love”, so he obviously thinks that true love is drowning or dead or something.
Andi comes back with the “True Love” sign and gives it to Pacey. She tells Pacey that she doesn’t hate him, because hate is a strong word. She was hurt and betrayed and, wait, what? Why is she hurt and betrayed? It’s not like she fucking told him that she still had feelings for him. Goddammit, this show. Anyway, she doesn’t want to carry hate and forgives him.
Meanwhile, Joey pops into Dawson’s room with “E.T.”. Holy shit, she’s going to REWARD his bad behavior? That’s seriously fucked up. He’s all surprised that she rented that movie, what with it giving him an E.T.’s finger-like boner. She tells him she knows the ending, which is comforting to her. Yeah, your life is so scary right now, Joey. I’m so annoyed that Dawson is literally not going to see any consequences for nearly killing his so-called best friend. That’s fucked up.
3.5 out of 5 Crying Dawsons