Season 3, Episode 20: The Longest Day

More like the longest television season.  Seriously, is this season ever going to end?

We open with a sunset and Joey half-emoting, “Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again?”.

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And we’re off!

Looks like the gang has gathered for the christening of Pacey’s boat.  As a reminder, he named it “True Love”.  “True Blood” would’ve been such a metal name.  But while everyone is waiting for their asses, Pacey and Joey are making out in the nearby boat house.  Turns out that they still haven’t told Dawson about their relationship, like a bunch of great friends.  To their credit, they realize that they’re being shitty, but as Joey laments, it’s just been too hard to work up the courage.  After going back and forth about who should tell Dawson (just fucking tell him already!), Pacey gets Joey to agree to give him one day.

Hey, they brought Buzz back again.  So this is how Jonathan Lipnicki’s been paying the bills?  Dawson’s Creek royalties?  Anyway, his mom is late to pick him up, which has really cramped Pacey’s plans to come clean with Dawson.  Dougie shows up to relay the message that she’s not coming, forcing Pacey to abandon Buzz with Dougie so that he can get things done, despite Dougie’s protestations.

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I…can’t…breathe…

Grams has to go out of town for a few days and has her panties in a bunch about leaving Jen alone, thinking she’s totally going to slut it up with Henry.  Jen doesn’t take any offense, which is good, given her history of double teaming action and all, but assures her that Henry is a gentleman and she won’t let him in the front door, like he’s a vampire or some shit.

After Grams leaves, Jen spies Pacey creepily lingering outside Dawson’s.  He still hasn’t been able to work up the strength to go in and just tell Dawson what’s going on.  Jen tries to comfort him by telling him that Joey totally wants him, which has nothing to do with Dawson’s potential melt down, so thanks, Jen!  Pacey’s worked out some scenario in his head where Dawson is totally cool with him stealing his soulmate away, and Jen agrees that it’s a possibility.  Have you guys met Dawson?  Dude literally made an entire love story movie as a way to try to force Joey into hanging out with him.  Anyway, he’s at the library, according to Bro Dad.

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Who else happens to be hanging at the library?  Why, none other than Andi!  She and Pacey exchange small talk, until Will (holy shit, they brought him back too!?) comes up and tells her that he’ll see her later that night.  They’re totally going on a date, you guys.  Pacey and Andi suddenly get super awkward around each other, despite the fact that Pacey had his tongue in Joey’s mouth just a few short hours ago.

Buzz is pissing Dougie right the fuck off, breaking answering machines and shit.  He’s really worked up about it for some reason.  It’s an answering machine, Dougie.  Are you afraid you’ll miss Jack’s call or something?

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…………………..

Oh my God, what if that happens?  Sure, Jack’s underage, but we’ve already seen that Dougie takes his pledge to serve and protect pretty halfheartedly.  Remember during the hurricane when he was just hanging at a high school teacher’s house drinking wine with his younger brother?

Anyway, when Pacey finally shows up, Dougie’s all, “What the fuck, bro?” and Pacey reveals that Joey likes him too.  Dougie asks him about Dawson and Pacey tries to explain why he hasn’t told him yet, but Dougie cuts him short and tells him that he’d better tell Dawson soon or he’ll end up all alone.  Uhhhh, won’t he have Joey?  Seems to be a slight wrinkle in your motivation there, Dougie.

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Cut to Pacey working up the courage to walk into Dawson’s again when Joey grabs him.  She tells him that he can’t tell Dawson because she has to in order to save their friendship.  How selfless of you.  She asks Pacey if he told yet.  Yeah, he did Joey.  He’s just awkwardly standing outside the door to get measurements.  Seeing as he hasn’t told yet, she explains that maybe it’s a sign that they shouldn’t be together after all.  Pacey starts to get upset over this, seeing that she had no intention of telling Dawson either; she was just going to dump his ass and forget the whole thing ever happened.  Before she can explain, Dawson comes out and asks them what they’re arguing about.  There’s a silence, and Pacey finally explains that they’re fighting about themselves, because they’re an “us” now.

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“Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again?”

What the fuck just happened?  Am I being punished for something?  Why are we back on the docks again for Pacey’s christening?  Oh my god, nooooooo!

Joey comes out of her makeout session with Pacey and, after some small talk, Jen offers to give her a ride to the library.  Moments later, as they’re walking to the library (Jesus Christ, do these writers proofread anything?), Joey explains her feelings for Pacey and the complications with Dawson.  Jen asks her if she wants to continue things with Pacey and she says she does.  Jen reiterates what everyone else has been saying, and tells her that they need to pull the Bandaid and tell Dawson.  Joey’s biggest fear is that she’s the villain regardless of whether she or Pacey tell Dawson.  In a villain-less show, Joey, you’re already the villain.  She laments that she’s not as fearless as Pacey or Jen, and Jen tells her that she needs to be careful, because despite how fearless Pacey may be, his heart can still be broken.  Deep.

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At the library, Joey sees Pacey and Andi’s awkward conversation unfold.  Ohhhhhh, I get it; we’re watching this stupidity unfold through multiple character’s viewpoints.  Guess what, Dawson’s Creek, you’re a shitty teenage soap opera; not a Tarantino flick.

Anyway, Andi spots Joey and annoys her about her date with Will.  The problem is that while she likes Will, there are moments when she realizes she’s not totally over Pacey.  Oh shit!

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A few seconds later, she runs into Dawson, who invites her to a movie night, for old time’s sake.  She declines, providing some flimsy, very obviously bullshit excuse, and when he asks her what’s up, she bails.  He clearly picked up on her weirdness.

We’re treated to a short scene of Joey leaving Pacey a message telling him not to tell Dawson.  But Buzz is going to destroy that answering machine, Joey!

Later, Joey climbs into Dawson’s room, with something really important to talk to him about.  He hasn’t seen Pacey since the christening, which is a relief to Joey.  He’s watching a movie that just so happens to be the same movie they watched on their first date.  Remember that?  It went really badly because Jen showed up wanting to cockblock Dawson.  Anyway, they never got to see how it ended, and it turns out that the three characters are in a love triangle, and when two of them come clean, there’s a huge falling out, causing them all to be alone.  “It’s kind of depressing”, Dawson remarks.  Flustered by the convenience of this similarity, Joey leaves.

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Outside, Joey finds Pacey just about to go into Dawson’s and they start arguing.

Meanwhile in his room, Dawson overhears them arguing and listens for a second before coming outside and getting the news dropped on him that they’re make out buddies.  Joey apologizes for not telling him and Dawson replies by snarkily telling them that they didn’t.  He already knew.

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“Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again?”

FUCK!

At the boat christening, Dawson gives Pacey champagne.  Where did Dawson get champagne from?  This fucking town and their underage drinking leniency.  Dougie is literally five feet away!  He asks Dawson if he’ll stick around after, and Dawson says he’s got to run a few errands, but he’ll be around.

Pacey gives a speech and christens his boat.  Everyone is happy.  Champagne is wasted.

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At the library, Dawson sees Will acting weird.  He’s looking for Andi in some quiet, secluded room to study.  Holy shit, that’s brilliant.  I can guarantee that at least one teenage pregnancy occurred in a study room at a public library after this episode aired.  Anyway, Will asks about Dawson and Joey’s first date, which catches Dawson off guard for some reason.  He talks about the movie and how shitty they are for dates, and suggests taking Andi out on The Creek, because it’s hella romantic.  Hell, he’ll even let Will borrow his boat.

Henry is sulking because he can’t go in the house, per Grams’ rules.  He starts pawing at Jen, trying to make out with her, but she stops him when she sees Dawson approaching and shoves him inside.  The house, you pervs.

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When Dawson gets there, she asks him if he wants to come inside to hang out.  She’s really sorry about what Pacey said to him.  Understandably confused, Dawson gets all weird and asks her what the fuck she’s talking about.  She stutters, and like a regular Sherlock Holmes, Dawson deduces that it has something to do with Joey.  Jen apologizes for not saying anything and says that she was just trying to protect Dawson.  He tells her to shove it and storms off.

Back in his room, Dawson lays in bed staring at his ceiling, then turns on the movie.  We cut to Joey coming in and get to relive that riveting conversation about their date and the movie’s ending.  From Dawson’s perspective, the “depressing” ending of the movie seems to imply that he doesn’t want things to go down that way.

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We cut to the reveal outside again.  Dawson asks them when they were planning on telling him, throwing Jen under the bus in the process.  Oh man, Jen’s fucked.  Joey is absolutely going to kill her.  The whole conversation gets ugly really quickly as he implies that Joey is doing it solely for sex (laughable) and tells Pacey that when this is all over, he’s not going to have any friends.  He’s really being a dick about it.  Of course, Andi shows up and Dawson freaks out at her, telling her all about the two of them before storming back inside.

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“Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again?”

FUCK!

Fortunately, we don’t start back at the fucking docks again, but rather at Grams’ after Dawson stormed off.  Henry comes back outside and asks what happened and Jen tells him she feels awful.  To make her feel better, he literally shoves his tongue into her mouth.  She pushes him off and asks him what the fuck he’s doing, and he tells her that he doesn’t care about her drama; her mouth should be used for sucking his dick, not talking.  Pissed, Jen tells him to get the fuck out.

We then cut to Andi and Will showing up at Dawson’s after the reveal.  Joey runs inside after Dawson and Andi asks if Dawson was telling the truth.  Pacey confirms and doesn’t know what else to say.  Andi freaks on him and asks him how he could be so stupid?  Joey was Dawson’s first love!  He’s going to ruin everything!  It’s all so fucking dramatic.

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Inside, Joey tells Dawson that she didn’t mean to hurt him.  He still can’t figure out why they’re together when they can’t stand each other, and Joey explains that things have been complicated between her and Dawson, and that she needs Pacey.  Ouch.  Dawson straight up asks her if she needs him and she tells him that’s not fair.  He starts flipping the fuck out again, telling her that she needs to choose between he and Pacey, because everything is irrevocably changed forever.  She starts crying about how she doesn’t know what to say, and Dawson tells her to get the fuck out.

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Later, Jen finds Dawson sitting all alone in the dark in his room.  He tells her that he’s alone like a whiny goth kid, and she tells him that he’s not.  He asks her again why she didn’t tell him, and she gives some lame ass excuse that boils down to telling him would’ve caused him to try to intervene, which would have only drawn Joey and Pacey closer.  He doesn’t know what he should do, and Jen tells him that he needs to let Joey decide.  Clearly not listening, he exclaims that he’s going to fight for what he wants.  Poor Jen.  Homegirl can’t get anyone to listen to her.

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Back on the docks, Pacey is sulking when Joey appears, kicking off the conversation with that stupid line, “Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again?”.  They both agree that they would redo that day, but when Pacey asks what she’d do differently, she gives the ambiguous answer of “everything and nothing”.  As always, you’re super deep and helpful, Joey.

After an awkward pause, they turn the conversation to the boat.  Joey thinks it looks good, but Pacey remarks that while it looks good, he’s not sure if it’s seaworthy, and he sees stormy weather in the future.  He asks if it’s over between the two of them, and Joey curtly tells him that it is.  What a frigid bitch.  His relationship with Dawson, his best friend, is fucked, and he has absolutely nothing to show for it now.  At least give the guy a chance.  He tells her she should leave and she does, turning to watch him after a few steps.

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Thank God that’s over.  I cannot relive another retelling of that same stupid day.

Rating

Crying Dawson Scale

 

 

3.5 out of 5 Crying Dawsons

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