Season 3, Episode 19: Stolen Kisses

Well it looks like it’s spring break in The Creek, and rather than doing something fun like other privileged high school students, Dawson and Joey are going to visit his aunt.  Apparently they do it every year.  Exciting stuff.  Pacey shows up with some guy.  Now who the hell is this?  Will?  Whatever.  Pacey invited Will to visit Dawson’s aunt too, which isn’t rude or presumptuous at all.  Then Andi shows up.  What the fuck.  I’m sure Dawson’s super cool aunt will totally be okay with three complete strangers crashing at her house, one of whom can only be vouched for by Pacey.  Not a good look.  Once they’re left alone, Joey’s all, “Guh, I thought you weren’t coming,” to Pacey, and he asks her why she cares, since things are totally cool between them.  Are they still awkward around each other?  You better your candy corn lovin’ ass they are.

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Looks like weirdo Henry works at Gail’s restaurant too.  The Creek must have been a hotbed of teenage crime before that restaurant opened.  Where else did teens work?  The Creek is so lucky to have Gail and Bro Dad.  He’s just so happy to be working with Jen, because stalker-esque dependence on someone is apparently cute.  He leaves, and this other girl comes up to Jen and starts gushing (no, you perv) about how cute Henry is.  Jen throws some shade at the girl for being a slut.

Per usual, Andi is annoying everyone, grilling Will about his life.  As you might have guessed, he’s boring.  He enjoys reading and hates movies.  Since the conversation hasn’t focused on Joey for two minutes, she starts going on and on about how she loves Dawson’s aunt.  She left her husband for some other guy who’s now dead or some shit.  He was alive when she married him, don’t worry.  Will starts talking about how loving someone passionately but briefly is a better alternative than only mildly caring for someone for life.  I’m genuinely surprised that Joey is so encouraging of Dawson’s hussy of an aunt, what with her sexual hangups over everything.

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Now who the hell is this?  Some lady just randomly approaches Gail and Bro Dad and tells them that her husband died.  I guess they know her.  Otherwise, that’s a weird way to get attention; telling random people that your husband is dead to strike up conversation.  She asks how they’re doing, and for some reason, Gail pretends they’re still together.  This new lady is really pleased, and gives them her dead husband’s toast from their wedding.  We’ll probably never see her again.

Oh hey, the slutty aunt is Julie Bowen!  Be still, my heart!

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It’s weird, because she clearly doesn’t give a shit about three uninvited guests crashing at her house for a week.  Again, only Pacey can vouch for Will, which is dubious at best.  When she meets Pacey, she mentions that she already knows him, because he used to chase Joey around when they were little.

Later that night, Joey is still being a raging bitch to Pacey.  Why?  I thought everything was supposed to be copacetic?  He reiterates that there shouldn’t be any weirdness between them if things are kosher.  There’s bigger problems though, like the fact that Dawson took the sleeping bag like a selfish dick, and the only sleeping space available is the bed, which they’ll have to share.  Oh hell no!  She wants none of that shit!  She makes mention of his penis, which shouldn’t surprise anyone that she’s terrified of feeling it in the night.  They begrudgingly agree to share the bed and wrestle the blankets from one another.

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So it sounds like it’s boring as fuck at Dawson’s aunt’s.  The only means of entertainment is the pool hall, which is arguably better than Chess (looking at you, Jack), so Will offers to teach Andi how to play.  She throws shade at him about being a giant dork, so there’s no way in hell he can do something athletic, which probably means she likes him.

Gail asks Bro Dad if he’s okay with their friend’s death, and he’s very short and off-putting about it.  It’s funny, because this guy was such a great friend, yet they never address him by name.  How lazy were you, writers?  Randolph.  Call him Randy.  Jesus, that took me 2.2 seconds to think up.  Gail tells Bro Dad that he should read their marriage toast, and Bro Dad tells her to get out of there with that shit.

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Meanwhile on the other side of the restaurant, that girl, Shelly, is still all over Henry.  Jen tells her to cut the shit and invest her energy into working hard, because apparently Jen aged 45 years overnight.  Henry asks if she’s jealous, and she denies that she is.  Maybe she just likes when people work hard, Henry.

Wouldn’t you know it; Will is awful at pool.  So is Pacey, which means that Andi, having never played before, is kicking their asses.  Is there anything she can’t do?  After knocking the ball off the table, some guy challenges them to a game, and Will’s all about that shit.  Either that guy is an opportunistic prick who preys on awful players, or they have a scheme.  Andi is freaking, of course, and Will tells her to trust him.

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Never ask Dawson about his crisis of faith!  That seems to be the primary lesson this season.  He goes on and on to Aunt Bowen about how he’s not making movies anymore.  She thinks he needs a lady and asks why he and Joey aren’t together anymore.  Dawson explains the whole boring story of he and Joey’s two attempts at love, and she tells him that maybe the timing is right now.  Oh God.  Don’t do this to me, please.  It took 17 episodes for Pacey and Joey to kiss.  I can’t do another season of plot blue balling.

I guess Pacey and Will are a bunch of hustlers, and won against the other guys.  Now that they won under false pretenses, Andi is still freaking.  I’m kind of disappointed there wasn’t a montage of pool and high fives and the other guys shaking their heads in disappointment as they realized they’d been hustled.  Oh well.

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For some reason, we’re treated to 30 seconds of the gang washing a horse.  So many fun times at Dawson’s aunt’s house on spring break!

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Woo!  Spring break!

Upstairs in the barn, Dawson asks Joey if he’s different.  She tells him that he is.  He’s not an attention starved child who cries all the time to get noticed.  Instead, he lets others shine and take the spotlight.  Yeah Joey, except he’ll gladly whine about his fucking crisis of faith to anyone who will listen at any given time.  Then again, I wouldn’t expect one selfish person to recognize that flaw in another.  He starts talking about how this week allows him to make sense of his life.  You’ve been working on that FOREVER, Dawson!  Joey tells him that people evolve, which is why they’re different towards one another.  He tells her that he thinks fate will bring the two of them back together.  Stop!  Just stop it!  Joey remarks that Dawson hasn’t changed that much, clinging to his optimism, and Dawson gets kind of clingy, telling her that he can’t remember why they’re not together.

Later, Joey loves one of the paintings that Dawson’s aunt did and asks her if she has any regrets.  Her biggest was staying in a marriage for too long when another dude made her feel so alive.  So…she wishes she’d cheated earlier?  Kind of weird wisdom to impart on a 16 year old, if I’m being honest.  Pacey shows up, and sure as shit, they’re still awkward around each other.

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Henry comes up to Jen all flustered because Shelly offered to fuck him.  That’s pretty bold.  Jen asks him why he’s all worked up, and he’s all, “Hey, you’re not putting out and a hot older girl just offered to bang me – OF COURSE I’M WORKED UP!”.  Jen asks him if he wants to take her to Bone City, and he tells her he doesn’t.  He asks if she’s jealous, and she flips on him because SHE’S TOTALLY NOT JEALOUS!  I totally buy it, you guys.

Andi definitely has a thing for Will and keeps pestering him with questions.  He starts talking about how his dad is a dick, which he and Pacey have in common.  Because of this commonality, he came to stay with Pacey/crash Dawson’s aunt’s house.

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Gail is all pissy with Bro Dad for being a dick about the toast.  She asks why he’s being such an asshole, because she’s his friend, and he counters that if they’re such great friends, why aren’t they married now?  Uhhh, I have plenty of friends who I’m not married to.  Like, all of them.  Not sound logic.  Also, Bro Dad, just a reminder.  YOU DIVORCED HER!

Insufferable.

Oh God.  I know I wanted a pool montage earlier.  I do not want a karaoke montage of the gang singing “Wild Thing”.  Seriously.  We’re treated to individual shots of them each singing it, because apparently they could only afford the rights to one song.  But everyone is having so much fun singing it!

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Wacky Aunt Bowen, apparently trying to play matchmaker, forces Dawson and Joey into singing together.  Thank God; they bought another song.  “Daydream Believer”.  They start singing it and are just having so much fun that Pacey has to leave, apparently getting jealous of Dawson and Joey’s friendship.

Hoo boy.  Henry has turned the tables and is macking on Shelly.  Jen sees this happening, and tells Shelly to fuck off, calling her a “slutty wench” so loudly that the restaurant overhears and gets quiet.  Looks like she is jealous after all.

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Joey approaches Pacey outside and asks him if he’s okay.  He’s obviously not, having realized that he can’t compete with Dawson when it comes to history with Joey.  She asks why the fuck it’s a competition when they’re just friends and Pacey admits that he likes Joey.  Fina-fucking-lly.  She doesn’t say anything, and as he goes to leave she tells him that she felt it this morning.  Not his penis; get your head out of the gutter!  His arm brushed hers in bed and it made her feel alive.  Guh.  He tells her that he’s going to kiss her, totally taking any spontaneity out of the moment, and that she should stop him if she doesn’t want him to.  They start making out and someone clears their throat.  Aunt Julie!?

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Pacey is genuinely getting blue balled every time he kisses Joey.  I feel bad for him.

Pacey, probably needing to go scream into a pillow or something, excuses himself.  Aunt Julie totally gets why Joey and Dawson aren’t together.  Right.  Pacey and Joey just kissed, which totally explains the whole Dawson forcing Joey to rat her dad out and get him thrown back in the slammer.  She tells Joey that they need to tell Dawson, because it’s kind of dicked to be reckless with his feelings.

Andi finds Pacey sulking and asks him if he’s okay.  He tells her he’s not.  Rather than being a good friend and asking him to explain, she immediately starts gushing about how much she likes Will.  These people are all so self-centered.  I kind of miss them being bipolar.  He asks her if she likes him, and she tells him she’s not sure.  Having just gone through soul vomiting, he tells her that she should be honest with Will about her feelings towards him.  I don’t know man; I think this conversation with your ex would be weird.  Or are we supposed to forget they ever dated?

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Jen is mortified about her public freak out.  She’s hiding in the supply closet, crying.  Henry shows up and still acts like a total weirdo, telling her that he’s cool with her being a jealous spazz.  She keeps crying about how she’s spent years building up walls that he’s managed to tear down, and that she can’t lose him.  Encouraging him to accept sexual advances from other girls is a bold strategy, Jen.  He tells her that he’s not going anywhere.  Good.  They can be codependent now instead of one sided dependency.

Bro Dad is weird around Gail.  He read the toast and thought it was beautiful and touching.  It made him realize that he had to let Gail go.  I guess that’s why they’re still divorced?  I don’t know.  The dead guy made him realize that all their problems are so trivial.  Well yeah.  Dying is a pretty major problem that kind of trumps all others.  This revelation that death is permanent causes them to dance together.

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Dawson is looking at pictures of he and Joey as kids and comments on what a dork he was.  Oh Dawson, you’re still a fucking dork.  Joey acts like she’s going to tell Dawson what’s going on, but Aunt Bowen interrupts.  Joey excuses herself, and Aunt Bowen gives Dawson a painting to take home that she thinks will “bring him back”.  He’s a talented young man who needs to realize that dreams are strength.  Can someone just tell him to quit whining?  She encourages him to keep searching for the one thing that he’s passionate about.

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Meanwhile, Joey finds Pacey at the fire and he asks what’s going on.  She doesn’t know.  He calls that complete bullshit, and Joey explains that she tried to tell Dawson, but couldn’t find the words.  Again, he calls bullshit.  She tells him that she doesn’t have the answers to his questions, so he asks her how she feels.  Awful.  Don’t soften that blow, Joey.  Pacey agrees that he feels awful too, mentioning that he’s afraid this might hurt Andi.  Guess they didn’t forget those two dated.

Anyway, Pacey tells Joey that he can’t keep being the one kissing her and finding all her answers; she’s got to figure some of this shit out on her own and stop fucking with him.  He finally goes for it, telling her that if she cared about him, they wouldn’t even have to have this conversation where they figure out their feelings, and goes to leave.  Joey stops him, and they start making out.

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Rating

Crying Dawson Scale

 

 

3.5 out of 5 Crying Dawsons

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