We open on Dawson, Pacey and Joey hanging around the new, apparently finished inn. Was it fast tracked or something? That didn’t take long at all, given that it was a dump just a few episodes ago. They’re watching a movie where people are dancing in the kitchen and Joey bitches about how she doesn’t understand why people dance in movies. Dawson remarks that it’s a generational thing and, oh my God, there’s going to be a scene in this episode where all these nerdy white kids dance terribly in a kitchen, isn’t there? Fuck. Joey is still pissy and starts freaking out about how there’s no guests at the inn and they’ve been open for a week. Just then, the phone rings and Joey excitedly answers, only to get a telemarketer. She hangs up and starts ripping into Pacey for ever suggesting this stupid idea in the first place. Pacey, getting defensive, tells her she needs to have faith. On cue, the doorbell rings. Joey runs to answer and finds…door-to-door Christians. Lulz.
Jen runs into Henry at school and asks him where he’s been all week. Oh right, now you’re interested in him, Jen. He’s been busy working for some restaurant that gave him a free meal as payment. Obviously, he asks Jen to go with him and she’s still super frosty towards the idea of going on a date with him. He tells her it doesn’t have to be romantic, and after wearing her down by continued berating, she tells him she’ll think about it.
Andi is freaking out about all the responsibilities that come along with hijacking a play. I’m honestly surprised they even remembered this side story. Jack, seeing that she has no idea how to make the playbill, offers to help. Andi then starts guilting Jack about how their dad misses Jack and how she really wants him to come home. He accuses her of being manipulated by their father, which pisses her off so much that she slams her laptop shut and storms off.
Realizing the gravity of their situation, Joey and Bessie go talk to the bank and see what their options are. Maybe spend some of your energy marketing, you idiots, rather than opening for a week and immediately panicking. Rather than remind these two dolts that one-third of new businesses close in the first five years like I would have, the banker suggests Bessie take a mortgage out on their already paid off house.
Joey is fucking furious with Bessie for even considering leveraging their house, because it was their mom’s and shit. Bessie reminds her that she’s 16 and ultimately doesn’t have a say in anything Bessie does, because she also has her own child to worry about. Joey asks why Bessie didn’t fight to get Bodie to stay and, holy shit, they do remember that Bessie is neither a slut nor the Virgin Mary, and that she does have a baby daddy! I’m shocked. Bessie essentially calls Joey a child and tells her to shut the fuck up while the adults think.
After Joey storms back outside, she finds Dawson filming the bushes outside the inn, which is kind of bizarre. Oh, okay. Turns out, he’s making a promo video for the inn, because of course he is.
Inside, he tells Joey to look a little less icy; it is a promo video trying to sell the inn, not make people hire exorcists. Pacey shows up, pumped about something. Turns out, he arranged for a well renowned travel writer, Fred Fricke, to stay at the inn that night. Rather than thank him for helping, Joey freaks the fuck out because there are rooms that aren’t even finished, nor are there guests. What the fuck? If the inn wasn’t finished being built, why the fuck did they open? This isn’t rocket science, writers. Or is there just one writer who doesn’t go back and reread his own scripts? Honestly, that’s how it’s starting to feel. Anyway, to address the guests issue, Pacey has employed the help of The Creek’s finest residents – Grams, Jen, Jack, Andi, Bro Dad and…Gail, the two of whom will be playing a happily married couple.
Outside Joey and Dawson are now both super pissed at Pacey. Dawson thinks it was insensitive of Pacey to invite his parents to play a married couple. Pacey tells Dawson that it was actually Bro Dad’s idea to bring Gail. Joey still doesn’t give a shit, because if the inn isn’t ready and this guy skewers it, they’ll be fucked anyway. She spills about the mortgage and Pacey realizes the gravity of what he’s done. He offers to call Fred Fricke and cancel, only to go inside and find him waiting in the lobby.
Bro Dad and Gail are staying in the honeymoon suite, which doesn’t sit well with Dawson. Not one bit. He gets all uppity about how they never took into consideration how this pretend relationship might hurt him and that he’s sick of them not knowing what they want from each other.
Confession time. I unapologetically watch Degrassi. Have for years. Even the new, incredibly ridiculous seasons. Anyway, there’s a father figure on this season who’s running for office and his son is always kind of sandbagging him, which has led to him becoming extremely abusive. He’s choked him out, hit him, thrown coffee mugs at his head. You know, your over-the-top abusive father type stuff?
I say this, because Bro Dad has to be at his breaking point with Dawson, right? Like, he’s going to have to choke him out, or hit him, or at the very least tell him to act like a fucking man for once in his life, right? I realize Mr. Witter already plays the asshole father on the show, but watching Bro Dad emotionally crush his son over something besides his shitty movies would be amazing.
Sexy sweater, btw.
Anyway, as I kind of expected, Fred Fricke is kind of a massive dick to Joey. He’s just super snobby about the inn, because not writing a TV trope would involve creativity. He remarks about how it’s cold and that there aren’t private bathrooms and Joey tells him that she’s trying. As someone who’s pretty much written off bed and breakfasts as a whole because of the communal bathroom thing, I feel for him.
Andi and Jack are unpacking (they’re staying for one night, mind you) and she’s still pushing Jack to come home. He reminds her that he has no support for his new lifestyle there, and tells her to back off.
Bessie sits down with Fred Fricke, and she’s clearly really nervous to have him there. But she tries. On cue, Joey comes in and tells her that the upstairs toilet overflowed. Now, why Joey would feel the need to say that in front of the guy who could destroy their lives rather than pull Bessie aside, I’ll never be able to guess.
Outside, Bro Dad finds Dawson and tells him that Gail has hit a wall and can’t find a job. So he’s trying to let her know that he’s there for her, as a friend. Dawson is still pissy because their relationship is so confusing, and that they’re divorced, so they should be divorced. Bro Dad tells Dawson that there’s no time limit on getting over someone and being able to move on. No choking out, though.
Bessie and Joey are both trying to talk up the inn, including their handyman, Pacey. He comes in and they introduce him, and again, as if on cue, there’s an explosive sound and smoke starts billowing out of a ceiling vent. Fred throws shade at the three of them, explaining how their handyman might want to take a look at their furnace. None of them seem happy.
Joey, having had enough of this shit, is being super bitchy to Bessie. I’m not really even sure why at this point. Because the inn was a stupid idea? Or because Joey has severe emotional issues and can’t focus them on the appropriate target? Anyway, Bessie tells Joey that she’s trying and Joey tells her that it doesn’t matter; she won’t be there much longer for Bessie to feel obligated to take care of. Bessie, having enough of her shit, asks why Joey cares so fucking much about the success of the inn if she has no plans to stick around and watch it fail. This stumps Joey.
Pacey’s chopping wood when Bro Dad comes up and asks what’s wrong. He vents that about how everything with the inn is his fault, and that he should have kept his dumb mouth shut. Bro Dad tells him that he guarantees that Joey and Bessie are grateful, and that he should focus on his contributions rather than mistakes, like pushing to keep a burned out furnace instead of buying a new one. He tells Pacey that he’s been very selfless, and asks him why he cares so much if he really thinks he’s such a failure.
Dawson finds Gail and apologizes for being a fucking baby. Well, for being confused, at least. He remarks that he thinks they’re doing well and Gail tells him they are, but that, as he should know from his relationships with Joey, break ups take time, but that it is possible to be friends afterwards.
Andi and Jack run to Grams’ to get something for their overnight stay and Andi, over questions about things in the kitchen, realizes that Jack is happy and that he has a family that cares about him. Her dad has no idea what kind of milk she likes, you guys! She just really misses Jack and wants him to come home. She’s so fucking annoying.
Dawson sits with Jen outside as she’s watching a moon she thinks is beautiful. He ruins the moment by telling her that it’s just pollution from Boston. She chides him for this, then asks what made him so afraid of her past when she revealed her NYC sluttiness when they were dating. He basically says that new experiences are scary and he was intimidated. She asks him if he thinks other guys would have a similar reaction and he’s not sure. But he tells her that she’s great, and that any guy would be lucky to have her, regardless of how she used to get double teamed at parties last season.
Inside, all the men are trying to start a fire because the furnace is still broken and it’s going to be the coldest night of the year. Of course it is. The guys are all arguing how to get it started and Grams comes up and schools them, getting it started with one match. Everyone gathers around and she regales them with a story about Mr. Grams and fires in their home. It’s essentially all about love, which she equates to the hardest of woods to catch fire.
Upon mentioning the smell of hickory taking her back to those memories Dawson tells everyone that smell is the biggest memory trigger, which leads to everyone cheesily talking about smells that trigger good memories for them. For Gail, it’s vanilla. Dawson likes the smell of some film development chemical because he’s just the worst. Jen likes moth balls. Jack mentions some kind of juice. Pacey likes the smell of snow. Andi loves new car smell. And Joey likes the smell of bacon, because it reminds her of her mom.
As Joey goes on incessantly, she talks about how opening the inn was actually her mom’s dream, and how she felt like she needed to make that dream a reality as some way to stay close to her. Everyone seems touched, including Fred Fricke, who has been listening the whole time. Joey apologizes for his shitty experience, throwing shade at him, because she knows that at least her mom would’ve liked it.
The next morning, Joey wakes up to all kinds of noise coming from the kitchen. Despite the fact that it was “the coldest night of the year” (Joey’s words), she slept in a tank top. She comes down to the kitchen and, just like I called it, all these nerds are dancing and making breakfast. I feel awkward for them, it’s that bad. It should also be noted that because I’m watching this on YouTube, the uploader took out all the licensed music to avoid being sued, so the whole time I’m watching this unfold, it’s dead silent, making the whole thing even more awkward.
As Joey sits down with everyone for breakfast, she realizes that Fred Fricke is still there. He makes some comment about how the heat never came on last night, but that their inn is the warmest place he ever stayed. Vomit. Also, the pancakes are the best in the county. Joey asks who made them, because they all blow at cooking, and, HOLY MOTHERFUCKIN’ SHIT. Bodie’s back!
Is it racist to caption this “Where my bitches at?”…?
Color me shocked. Two seasons without even a mention of him, and he swoops in like some kind of fucking Deus Ex Machina to save the inn with pancakes. Joey pulls Bessie aside and she explains that she called him because they were in trouble and he came back. You’d think that maybe she could have called when their dad torched the family business. Or when he was arrested again for using said business to deal drugs. But yeah, now’s probably the best time to have called. Bessie gives Joey a guest book that everyone signed and explains that it was the guest book that their dad got for their mom. She can’t believe that she ever forgot their mom’s dream. They hug it out.
As they’re packing the suitcases they needed for their overnight stay, Bro Dad brings up some memory of a bistro that Gail thought up. He tells her that it was her dream, and that she should go for it. He even has a spot picked out that she should check out. She seems hesitant. Given where they’re currently standing, I can totally understand why she may not want to invest in a new small business.
I guess Jen told Henry all about her sexy, sordid past. He’s cool with it, and she’s really surprised. He tells her that everything she did in New York made her who she is, and that he really likes that person. I’m guessing she didn’t mention the Eiffel Towering from last season, because most guys would need at least an hour or two to process that.
Dawson confesses to Pacey that he’s having trouble getting his life’s bearings, because all he can see is an unrecognizable past. He finds himself just staring at his John Lennon poster, trying to make heads and tails of things. He thanks Pacey for doing as he asked; taking care of Joey. Pacey immediately starts bitching about her, telling Dawson that he can take over whenever he wants. I’m guessing that someone has a crush.
As they’re leaving, Jack stops Grams and Jen. He tells them that he’s buying into Andi’s bullshit, because living with them has made him remember what it was like to have a family that made you feel cared for. Andi doesn’t have that, so he needs to move back home to give her that feeling. She also has some serious mental issues that are being completely glossed over now, but what the fuck do I know? Jen tells him to go home, and they all have a teary goodbye.
Pacey comes back inside the inn and finds Joey asleep on the couch. This kicks off a montage of Bodie and Bessie having a picnic,
Henry and Jen talking on the docks,
Gail checking out the real estate that Bro Dad suggested for her bistro,
Jack packing up all his shit at Grams’,
Dawson staring at his blank walls/John Lennon poster, trying to figure out why he’s so pathetic,
And closing on Pacey watching Joey sleep, which isn’t weird at all.
3.5 out of 5 Crying Dawsons