Two weeks in a row of just absolutely atrocious titles.
We open with Dawson talking to Joey about how he needs a new camera, because Spielberg would never use a Handicam. Apparently their high school has a bounty of professional grade camera equipment, because why wouldn’t they, and Dawson is going to borrow their top-of-the-line camera in stock for his next epic disaster. Except, no he’s not, because Nikki beat him to it! They argue back and forth, and it becomes clear that she doesn’t give a shit; she’s borrowing the camera for a week and he can suck it.
Jen and Jack are grocery shopping and apparently on top of being gay, Jack’s become a giant stoner, because all he wants is kids cereals. I’m not here to judge. Yes, I am. Jen asks what’s going on between him and the train guy from last episode and Jack acts like a puppy; both excited and fucking nervous as hell. This isn’t helped as he rounds the corner and finds train guy, Ethan. He’s caught off guard and tries to talk to him, but ends up sounding like his tongue was cut out. Ethan finally decides to end our misery and asks Jack if he’s going to the free music festival being headlined by The Foo Fighters! Jack has no idea who they are and asks if Courtney Love is a member, forcing Ethan to leave and question what the fuck he just did. Jen thinks Jack should go because Ethan is super cute.
Andi won’t stop harassing her music teacher about something and he’s kind of a dick to her, which is fine by me. Turns out, she wants to be assistant director of the upcoming musical, and he agrees to let her do it, in what might be one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
Dawson and Joey come home to find that all the furniture is gone. Were they robbed? Nope. As part of the divorce settlement, Gail got all the furniture. I know she was the adulterer, but as the unarguably more successful partner, you’d think she’d get the house. But I don’t know divorce law in Connecticut. Is it Connecticut? Huh.
Anyways, Gail tells Dawson that he needs to be positive about the divorce and leaves. Joey asks him if he’s alright and he lies to her and tells her that he is, and that he’s glad that it’s finally over. However, everything about his demeanor says that he’s not okay, and as Joey continues to press him, he blows her off and tells her to get the fuck out.
Jack and Jen both end up going to the concert and Jen keeps trying to get Jack to clarify his relationship with Ethan. Jack tells her that she needs to stop making more out of it than it really is because, fuck, I’m so tired of him. Jen tells him that it’s okay to have a crush, but that he needs to play it cool or he could scare Ethan away.
Auditions are taking place and we get treated to a montage of terrible acting, including one dude that I think is dressed as a woman…
As the last one wraps up, Andi tells the director that they were all godawful and he tells her that he has a ringer coming in. I guess he bargained with said student to join the play for a higher grade. Yeah, because fuck actually getting the grade you deserve for not doing your work. Of course, said student is Pacey, and Andi is less than pleased with this development.
Dawson goes to Nikki’s and tells her that he wants the camera. I’m surprised he doesn’t try holding his breath to get her to acquiesce. She tells him to get fucked; she got there first. I know Dawson is an only child, but good God, he’s so entitled. Also, just use a different camera, you fucking tool. Seriously, a better camera won’t make you a better writer. As they argue, her dad, the principal, comes out and asks Dawson to stay for dinner as a way for Nikki to make friends.
As Jack wanders the concert festival, Ethan calls out to him from a tree.
Are you…going to sleep in a tree?
What in the actual fuck is he doing up there? A director actually told a paid actor to climb into a tree for no discernible reason. What? Anyway, he comes down and Jack gets super awkward and puppy-ish. To try and break the tension that Jack’s behavior causes, Ethan asks if he’d like to get some food.
As they walk, Ethan confesses that he expected Jack to bail on coming to the festival. Jack asks him why he’d think that, and Ethan tells him that he’s never seen a more terrified gay man before. He tells Jack that while he may be a newbie to the gay community, he has to be willing to put himself out there a bit more if he’s ever going to actually be gay.
Meanwhile, Jen is having a hell time putting together a tent. She looks like one of the actors who can’t do the most basic tasks, like opening a jar, in awful infomercials. Frustrated, she starts looking for help, and wouldn’t you know it, runs into Henry, AKA the guy whose heart she broke. She asks him where he’s been and he tells her that he’s been avoiding her since she crushed him. She admits that she didn’t notice. Ouch. He calls her a selfish bitch because they haven’t spoken in weeks and she hasn’t even noticed. Be more whiny! That’ll get her to like you! Having been thoroughly destroyed by her once more, he tells her to fuck off.
At dinner, the principal embarrasses Nikki with some story that makes her sound like a significantly more talented director at an early age. Suck it, Dawson! After telling the story, he tells Dawson that since they share the same interest, they should work together. Neither seems too excited at that prospect.
Back at the festival, Ethan is still trying to coach Jack on being gay. Honestly, it’s not really good advice. He essentially tells him that everything is gay, so he should get used to it. I have no idea what that means. As they get back to Ethan’s campsite, which wasn’t in said tree from earlier, they find that all his stuff has been stolen.
Andi confronts Pacey and tells him she wants him to quit the play. He tells her to kick rocks, because he needs the better grade. She tells him that she’s heard the teacher sucks ass at directing, which is supposed to change Pacey’s mind for some reason. After a little more back and forth, she admits that she joined the play as a way to get over Pacey. He gets it, but tells her that she never knows; he might be good, so she should give him a shot.
Dawson ends up in Nikki’s bedroom, looking for his coat to get the hell out of there and not have to have her superiorness shoved down his throat anymore. He remarks that he’d never be able to tell she was into movies based on her room, given that the walls aren’t covered in Spielberg posters. She tells him that movies aren’t her sole purpose in life and that he should try branching out and doing something bigger, because it might make him a better director. Maybe he’s just shitty, Nikki. Don’t encourage him.
After a moment, their conversation segues into a discussion about her parents’ divorce. She seems remarkably okay with it and she tells Dawson that that’s her disguise. She’s actually angry, and made her awesome movie about said divorce as an outlet. She asks him how he’s doing and he tells her that he’s okay with it most times, but that he’s also disappointed to see that love failed, because he’s such a hopeless romantic. Having confessed his feelings to someone, he gets sad and bails.
Jen still hasn’t been able to get the tent together when Jack and Ethan show up. Jack tells Jen that he offered to let Ethan stay in their tent. He implies that her presence would be a major cockblock and she tells Jack that she’s going to leave and that he’s total bullshit. That is kind of dicked, so I’m siding with her on this one.
As she’s leaving, she sees Henry playing guitar with two other guys. He’s singing some kind of love song, and as she look on, she begins to look sad. Perhaps she’s realizing what she let slip away.
Pacey isn’t doing very well in the play and Andi keeps stepping on the teacher’s dick as she tries to coach him. The teacher tells Andi to fuck off, but she won’t hear it and just keeps interfering and offering her notes.
Back in the tent, Ethan is reminiscing about when he came out. To be honest, he’s actually really cynical about homosexuality in general, which is kind of unfair to Jack. Like, he sounds like a bitter guy who just got dumped, which I know he’s supposed to be, but if he’s so interested in helping Jack be successfully gay, you’d think he’d try a different tactic. He asks Jack to turn off the light and Jack gets all weird about it, thinking that they’re going to bone. Are you even gay, Jack? Seriously! He eventually does, and Ethan, having sensed Jack’s awkwardness, rolls over and goes to sleep.
Jen approaches Henry and tells him that she liked his song. She admits that she’s missed him since she eviscerated him and he tells her that he really liked her, and she treated his heart like crap. She broke him, and she can fuck right off, because he’s totally over her. Go Henry!
Dawson, taking a page out of Nikki’s book, is taking all his posters down when Joey pops in. She asks him why he’s doing it, and he says that he doesn’t really know. Probably because you’re unoriginal, you hack. Joey calls him a sellout for disposing of his identity to try and be a better director and he gets all huffy when she says she thinks it’s because he’s into Nikki. Like the child he is, he deflects by throwing shade at A.J., which understandably pisses Joey off, prompting her to leave because she doesn’t want to hurt Dawson’s wittle feewings.
Seriously though, I see this face in my dreams.
The next morning, Jack finds Ethan sitting outside the tent. Wait, where did Jen end up sleeping? Ethan is pissy with Jack for being so uptight and tells Jack that he thinks they should just be friends. Jack asks why and Ethan tells Jack that there’s no way they could ever go out because Jack isn’t ready to actually be gay yet, but that he’s interested in him if he ever gets there. Jack admits that he liked Ethan, but that he understands why Ethan would shoot him down.
I guess the teacher never showed up for some bogus rehearsal, and everyone is getting pissed. As they gear up to leave, Pacey convinces Andi that she should direct in the teacher’s absence because she’s really good and she ends up getting really into it. But what about when the teacher shows up for the next rehearsal and undoes everything because he’s, you know, the actual fucking director?
Seriously though, where did Jen sleep? She obviously didn’t go home. She comes back to Henry’s site and he’s still super bitter at her. She apologizes for being mean to him and tells him that she wants the kind of love that he envisions them having. He accepts her apology.
When the teacher finally shows up, he loves Andi’s directions, but ends up taking credit for them in the process, claiming that he inspired them or some shit. When she protests, he’s a major dick to her and tells her to get in line and follow orders. After some more protestation, he tells her to start working on set design and to leave the directing to him, and, having had her toys taken away, Andi storms out.
Pacey follows her out of the auditorium and tells her that she can’t quit. She continues acting like a baby and he tells her that she should just deal, because she’s good. She tells him that she can’t.
Jack and Jen are leaving the festival that never had any actual music and Jack is all butthurt about being shot down by Ethan. What did you expect? You shot him down first and just expect him to want to try some funny business with you? Grow up. Jen is equally butthurt for some reason. These people. But she’s still really nice to Jack and when he asks why, she says that it has something to do with Henry. God. Dammit.
Joey comes back to Dawson’s bare room with a poster. She tells a little anecdote about how Dawson wanted to be John Lennon when they were younger and be super inspiring or something. So she went out and bought him an “Imagine” poster to remind him of that. She tells him that despite being a jealous bitch, she did hear Dawson earlier and encourages him to talk to someone about what he’s feeling, even if it isn’t her. He puts up the poster and compares himself to John Lennon because he’s insufferable. Hopefully that comparison will mirror Lennon’s demise. The episode wraps up with an obligatory Yoko joke because of course it would.
3.5 out of 5 Crying Dawsons