Season 2, Episode 14: To Be or Not To Be…(Part One)

Not Part One of the review, mind you; Part One of a two part story.  What did I just say about “To Be Continued…” episodes, guys?

Jack, further proving my theory that he sits on the Autism Spectrum, shows up at Dawson’s house with a scale model of The Creek.  He built it just for Cornball Movie 2, for some odd reason.  Oh, a test shoot.  Of course.  Pacey leaves to go do homework, having a newly found appreciation for not fucking up his future.  Jack offers to stay and watch the test shoot, remarking about how Andi has changed Pacey.  Dawson’s all, “Hurr, sometimes you’re willing to change for someone you care about,” or some shit and Jack addresses the elephant in the room about the two of them hanging out.  Again.  How many times are they going to do this?  Anyway, they come to the realization that they’re totally cool with one another and I kind of stopped paying attention because I’m pretty sure Dawson is wearing an OfficeMax t-shirt.


Back at school, the guidance counselor catches up to Pacey and tells him that he’s not a total fuck up after all.  It’s one of the biggest surprises of his life!  Pacey got three B’s!

Fresh off this news, Pacey starts making out with Andi and Jack swoops in to do the same.  Not with Andi, because that would be disgusting.  Naturally, Joey shoots his ass down, citing how she doesn’t like PDA.  Of course she doesn’t, it doesn’t involve shitty pencil drawings.  Dawson asks Jack if he’s still down to help out with the movie and Jack is stoked.  Joey, on the other hand, is surprised at Jack and Dawson’s sudden camaraderie and Jack tells her it’s cool.

Ty, the nerd who duped Jen into the fake party last episode, shows up to bother her some more.  Apparently, she’s been blowing him off since the “party”.  He asks her if she’s freaked out, because he definitely looks like the type of guy to wear a skin suit, and she tells him that she doesn’t do the whole “God” thing.  He clarifies that he doesn’t identify as a Bible Thumper and she tells him that it’s still an issue.  He continues acting like a smarmy prick, telling her that he’s convinced that she likes him, because he’s just so charming, and she tells him she’s not like most women.  Another Hollywood medium that makes practicing any kind of religion deem you a weirdo.


The class’ assignment was to write a poem and the teacher immediately throws shade at Pacey, telling him there’s no way he did his assignment, what with being a perpetual fuck up.  Pacey surprises him by having his poem after all, so the teacher decides to be a real dick and tells him that his penmanship sucks and he has to redo it or he’ll fail.  I cannot stress that this teacher is cartoonishly dickish.  It’s over the top, honestly.  Pacey protests, then agrees to get it done.

After the teacher turns around, Jack’s all, “I don’t take social cues really well and that was totally fucked up,” and the teacher overhears.  He makes Jack stand up and read his poem, which is called “Today”.  Hoo boy.  Jack doesn’t want to, and the teacher, giant asshole that he is, forces him to.  We get this dramatic reading of this poem that’s totally about another dude.  I wonder if it’s Dawson.  Everything comes back to that guy.  Anyway, upon realizing that he’s been forced to commit social suicide, Jack starts crying and runs out of the room.  Pacey goes to follow and the teacher, (giant dick, remember?), tells him to sit his ass down.


In the computer lab (remember those?), some kids are making fun of Jack’s gay poem and Joey overhears.  They flat out call him a homo, which concerns Joey.  Most likely because it would mean that her general unpleasantness turns men gay.

Dawson visits Joey at the diner to ask about Jack.  Apparently he’s still really upset about the poem.  Here’s the thing; shouldn’t he have had some idea what his poem was about?  During the reading, he looked like it was the first time he’d seen it.  Maybe he wrote it while he was sleeping.  That actually wouldn’t surprise me.  Anyways, Joey gets pissy with Dawson, because duh, and tells him to drop it.  She accuses him of using this situation as another way for him to break the two of them up and says it won’t work this time.

Pacey asks why Andi is blowing Jack off when he could totally use her support.  He’s super defensive of Jack for some reason.  Andi tells Pacey she thinks her idiot brother should have known better and Pacey thinks that this is something bigger.  Andi’s confused and Pacey explains that maybe the poem is true and Jack is gay.  Or, maybe it was about Dawson, guy.  Andi admits that she would be really disappointed if Jack were gay and Pacey makes her feel like shit for being a homophobe.


Ty keeps harassing Jen.  He legit calls her three times in the course of 20 seconds and tells her he’s going to pick her up at 9:00.  She keeps telling him to fuck off and finally, submitting to her impending Stockholm Syndrome, agrees to be picked up at 10:00.  On a school night, Jennifer!?

Bessie asks Joey if Jack’s alright, because he’s acting more Asperger-y than usual.  Joey doesn’t want to talk to him if he doesn’t want to talk about the situation.  Bessie tells her to say “Long day?” as a means of getting the convo started.  That’s just awful advice.  I expected more from you, Bessie.  Joey doesn’t agree with me and tries it and Jack tells her to back off because he doesn’t owe her an explanation.  Being the worst, Joey keeps digging and Jack tells her it wasn’t a gay poem, it was just masculine.  Or, it’s about Dawson, you guys.  Joey asks him why he had to cry about the poem and he gets all defensive, saying that he doesn’t know.  Jesus, Joey, back the fuck off or show some empathy for once in your fucking life.  She tells him that she doesn’t believe the rumors and he’s relieved.

Ty brings Jen to a jazz club and orders martinis upon walking in.  Clearly the hostess knows him, but I can’t suspend reality this much because they’re fucking 15!  Jen is surprised that he enjoys the Devil’s music and water and he tells her that he can cut loose too. They dance.


People put signs up all over the school making fun of Jack.  Andi and Pacey are pissed.

Back in English class, the teacher tells Jack he needs to finish reading his poem.  I told you guys, he’s ridiculously over-the-top.  Jack thinks he’s joking and the teacher continues being an asshole, telling him he’s never been more serious about anything in his life.  Pacey, having had enough of this guy’s shit, grabs the poem and starts reading it instead.  The teacher gets wicked pissed and tells him to stop, eventually telling him to get his ass to the principal’s.  Pacey’s not done yet and continues berating the teacher for being an asshole, ultimately spitting right in the guy’s face!  Awesome!



Pacey’s guidance counselor calls the teacher out on being a self-righteous dickhead and it almost seems like Pacey might get away with it, but he has to apologize to the teacher.  That’s it?  If he had Hep B, that teacher would be fucked, but an apology would make up for it?  The principal tells him that he either has to apologize or face suspension.

Jack is waiting outside the office, seemingly to defend Pacey’s actions.  Nope.  He tells Pacey he should have kept his fucking mouth shut; he can take care of himself.

Ty is being really overeager with Jen, most likely because his other flesh suit tore or something.  Jen admits that she can’t figure out his alternate identity, what with the whole “super religious” thing.  He tells her that his religion encourages him to make mistakes, like listening to jazz and drinking martinis.  What?  Isn’t the whole Christianity thing about minimizing mistakes?  The again, what do I expect from these writers?  He asks her out again.


Pacey tells Andi that he’s going to take the suspension and she’s shocked.  What about your education, Pacey!?  He has to stand by his convictions.  He asks Dawson what he should do and Dawson tells him that he agrees with Andi.  Pacey seems kind of butthurt and betrayed.

Jack, on the other hand, had sexual identity pamphlets left on his desk.  Suddenly, Joey acts super shocked and we see that someone spraypainted “FAG” on his locker.  That’s not cool, but good on him for acting like he didn’t see it.  The student body are all standing around whispering, so Joey musters some…thing and tells Jack to kiss her in front of everyone.  Remember, she ain’t down with PDA, so this is her first step towards cementing herself as a beard.


Andi decides that she feels sorry enough for Jack to talk to him again.  She tells him that she’s been unfair, but in her defense, this has been really hard on both of them.  What!?  Sorry about your reputation, Andi.  Jesus.  She tells him that she resented him for making her life even more difficult, but realizes now how selfish that was.  Wow.  But, she read his poem, and what’s more, liked it.  She liked it so much in fact that she’s had an entire about-face and doesn’t care if he’s gay or not.  That poem must have been really deep.  She’s there for Jack and loves him, even if he enjoys writing about other dudes’ glistening bodies.  Seriously, am I the only person who realizes this poem is about fucking Dawson?  Not fucking Dawson, perv.

Following the incident at school, Joey’s not so convinced that Jack isn’t gay and needs Dawson’s advice.  They say that you know who your friends are when you’re in the foxhole, and I gotta be honest, I wouldn’t want Joey in my foxhole.  To her, Jack’s excuses don’t hold water anymore and she just wishes she had owned up to her curiosity and asked him if he was gay.  Dawson says that she’s in a pickle now because of the “gay elephant” in the room.  Really cute, Dawson.  He tells her that she just needs to be honest with Jack and ask him if he prefers the company of men.  She thanks him for his advice and kisses him on the cheek, which I’m sure he’ll in no way take to mean that she might be interested in him now that Jack might possibly be gay.


Pacey is convinced that the teacher has it out for him, but thinks that maybe he should apologize.  Dawson tells him that’s probably a good idea and Pacey gets all pissy with him again for not having his back.  Dawson tells him that he does and will support any decision he makes.  Cute.

At school, it’s time for Pacey’s big decision.  He tells the room that while he’s ashamed of what he did (rightfully so, that shit’s gross), he won’t apologize to the asshole teacher.  He gives this speech about how even though they’re students, they should still question when something is wrong and that teacher was wrong.  He doesn’t have any respect for the teacher or his actions because he was a dickhead.  He leaves, while the teacher, guidance counselor and principal all stand there with their mouths agape.


Andi finds Pacey on the docks, probably looking for his house boat.  He’s been suspended for a week.  That’s it?  That’s nothing.  Seriously, that’s like a slap on the wrist.  Still though, after meeting Mr. Witter, would you really want to deliver that news?  No fucking thank you.  Anyway, Pacey is still all butthurt at Andi because he felt like she didn’t support him and wasn’t there for him.  Give it a break already, dude.  She gets pissed and tells him that she came to apologize, but if he wants to be a dick about it, here’s the truth; Jack is innocent and Pacey spit in a person’s fucking face!  Pacey has this Good Will Hunting moment and starts freaking out about how it’s all his fault that this happened to Jack and he felt responsible for fixing it.  THE FUCKING POEM IS ABOUT DAWSON!  But he’s since realized that this is a mess he has to live with now, what with ruining Jack’s reputation and fucking up his own future.  What?  It’s a week’s suspension.  You’ll be fine.  Pacey can’t clean up every mess and goes to leave.  Andi offers to go with him and he tells her to stay.  Ohhhhh snap!


Joey finds Jack again and flat out asks him if he’s gay.  Literally just says, “Are you gay?”.  He asks her why she’s so hung up on it and she tells him they never really talked about it.  He finally gives her a resounding “No!” to shut her ass up once and for all and she tells him that she’s relieved because now she doesn’t have to worry about the social implications of turning your boyfriend gay.  I fucking KNEW that was the only reason she cared!  They kiss and she tells him that she feels better, but asks him not to write poems anymore.  He agrees and they hug it out.  During the hug, he reiterates that he’s not gay, but the camera stays on his face long enough to get the sense that maybe he doesn’t believe it himself.  Please, can we  just leave this stupid story line where it’s at?


Nope, Part Two of this episode is next week!  Fuck my life.


Crying Dawson Scale





3.5 out of 5 Crying Dawsons


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