Season 2, Episode 13: His Leading Lady

I have a feeling this episode is going to primarily focus on Cornball Movie 2, and for that, I’m going to hate it.

Oh good, Dawson and Joey are back to watching movies together.  I knew those kids could figure it out!  As the credits roll, Dawson explains how excited he is that things are returning to the status quo between he and Joey.  Joey, sensing Dawson’s impending sociopathy, goes to leave and he asks her to stay and help with his dumbass movie.  He still needs to cast “Joey”, and it’s proving to be more difficult than he expected.  Joey remarks that she’s surprised how cool Dawson is being about the whole “broken up but hanging out” thing, and he tells her that she’s moved on to Jack, so he had to let her go.  How surprisingly mature.


Proving just how not clingy and super cool he is with them being friends, he swings by Joey’s art class where they’re drawing a live nude.  Joey’s all, “What the fuck, weirdo!”, but Dawson doesn’t notice because he’s too awestruck by the model’s bewbs.  The art teacher notices Dawson being a super creep and boots his ass from the class, calling him a pervert in the process and, hey!  The nude model is Rachael Lee Cook!


I loved her in the early 2000s!  She’s pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth since, which makes me kind of sad.  She was super hot in Josie and the Pussycats.

Pacey and Andi have a really weird conversation about butts, because Pacey thinks his could stop wars or some shit.  Andi goes into the bathroom and takes her pills over some super sad music.  Why does this show view mental illness as some kind of roadblock to life?  Listen, I’m not saying I could wake up with a mental illness tomorrow and be totally cool with it, but they’re almost marginalizing her character because she’s burdened by this huge weight.  Anyway, Pacey joins her in the bathroom and notices the bottle in the garbage, examining it and realizing that it was prescribed to her.  He looks concerned.

Rachael Lee Cook is in the college’s library and calls Dawson a deviant.  I knew I’d like you on this show too!  Dawson remarks how difficult it must be to pose nude and she tells him the money makes it worthwhile.  This info gives Dawson the sudden revelation that she’d be perfect the play “Sammy” in his stupid movie (oh, you guys have no idea how stupid it will be), and he starts telling her about it.  She’s very condescending, essentially mocking him as a little boy, which is awesome.  He asks her to read his stupid script and she agrees do so, flirting with him a bit in the process


Hey, Grams is back!  Some guy named Tyson came all the way from the grocery store to help her with her bags, because he’s a big ol’ tryhard.  Grams asks Jen if Ty (groan) can help with Cornball Movie 2 and Jen says they’re understaffed as it is, so of course he can!

Pacey is freaking out because Andi takes Xanax since it’s used to treat severe depression.  No shit.  Dawson tells him that he should talk to her about it and Pacey disagrees because where’s the drama in that?  He just wants her to be as stress-free as possible, because stress and depression are totally the same thing.  Dawson tells him to have fun with her because that will be the best way for her to be stress-free.


Rachael Lee Cook, henceforth know by her character’s name of Devin, tells Dawson that she thought his script was a piece of shit.  Marry me.  She thinks it’s verbose and heavy-handed, which I’m sure wasn’t meant to be tongue-in-cheek at all.  Dawson gets all butthurt and tells her that she’s not right for the part after all because she hurt his wittle feewings.  She tells him that he needs to learn to take some constructive criticism or else Cornball Movie 1 will be his only movie, which changes his mind.  He asks her to read for “Sammy”, Joey’s character.  She does, and the dialogue is corny as hell.  Dawson is naturally blown away by her acting abilities.


Oh good, Jack’s helping with the movie too, which catches Joey off guard.  Devin is sitting at the diner, and Joey waits on her.  She acts super weird, mimicking Joey’s actions and mannerisms.  Joey gets super creeped out, rightfully so, and asks Jack to wait on Devin instead.  When he approaches her, she asks him to tell her everything he knows about Joey.  See, you guys, she was just studying her to get into character!


Pacey asks Andi about the pills, and she lies to him again, saying they’re her mother’s.  He calls her on her bullshit and she admits that they were hers, but that she didn’t tell him because she wasn’t sure how he’d react.  He’s seemed pretty desperate lately, so I’m sure he’d handle it with great aplomb.  She’s off the pills now anyway, because her doctor won’t write her anymore prescriptions until she sees a therapist.  Good for that doctor!  She tells Pacey to leave it alone because she’s more than capable of taking care of herself.

They’re rehearsing for the stupid movie when Joey shows up.  I can’t wait for her to throw all kinds of shade at everyone.  Chris is confused by the script and thinks that Wade, the “Dawson”, must be retarded for not realizing that Sammy totally wanted to bone him.  Dawson stammers and makes excuses, bowing out ungracefully when he realizes Joey is standing there.  He introduces Joey to Devin, who apologizes for being a sociopath earlier.  She asks Joey for some character insight, which Joey is confused by, shockingly.  She tells Joey that she thinks Wade and Sammy are soulmates.  Uh oh!  How will this affect Joey’s already delicate sensibilities?


So they’re filming at the high school.  Dawson seems stressed.  Ty hits on Jen.  Jack asks Joey if it’s weird seeing such an emotional part of he life played out in front of her and she plays dumb, because no one wants to admit that this stupid movie is Dawson’s life.  Jack tells Joey that he doesn’t think Dawson is over her, given that he essentially said as fucking much to him on the boat last week, and Joey tells him that Dawson is totally cool with the two of them being friends now.  Jack tells her that if she’s really okay with it, so is he.  I’m sure he is.

We get a montage of filming set to Barenaked Ladies.  Everyone is having so much fun!  Over the course of the montage, we finally learn what the name of this movie is.  Are you ready for it?  I don’t know if you are.  Creek Times.  What. A. Stupid. Name.

Ty continues to hit on Jen, rubbing her neck after such a hard day of being Dawson’s bitch.  She asks him if he’d want to go out that night, and he agrees.  Here we go again, Jennifer.


Chris and Devin are hassling Dawson because they don’t think their characters are relatable.  Chris would never get his heart broken, so how can he pretend that Wade did?  I’ve got to do a sidebar here.  Of all the names in the world that Dawson could have chosen for his character, why did he settle on Wade?  There are honestly fewer awful names than Wade.  It’s almost distracting.  Anyway, Dawson gives this long, emotional speech that provides insight to how Joey, erm, Sammy, broke Wade’s heart and how it’s made Wade feel.  Looks like Dawson might not be over Joey after all.

Devin deliberately calls Joey “Sammy” and Joey’s all, “Bitch, it’s Joey.”  Devin prods her by asking where the anger comes from and Joey tells her she’s not an angry person in one of the most laughable lines in the series to date.  Devin keeps poking Joey’s buttons, trying to make her angry, finally asking if Jack is her safety net.  Jack, sensing that his make out session is about to become dangerous, steps in and Devin asks him how he feels about being Joey’s backup.  Joey flips the fuck out on her and tells her to mind her own fucking business and not be such a cunt.


Devin is pleased with herself for getting Joey to let her anger out, like Emperor Palpatine or some shit.


Andi is stressing out over some stupid barrette and Devin tells her to find it herself.  Hang on, it needs to be mentioned that there are literally hundreds of people working on this goddamn travesty.  You see them during the montages and in the background.  It’s quite ridiculous.  Pacey intervenes and tries to get Andi to calm down, telling her that he’s feeling screwed over by Andi.  Bad job, Pacey.  Way to make it all about yourself.  She tells him that he can go fuck himself if he thinks she’s being unfair and pretty much dumps him then and there.  Holy shit!

Chris and Devin are acting out the time when Joey told Dawson about the kiss with Jack, and when it’s over, Dawson can barely contain his erection at how incredible the performances were.  Joey, visibly uncomfortable, leaves.

Dawson follows Joey into the school and asks her what’s up and she flips out on him, asking him why he’s trying to punish her.  He has no idea what the fuck she’s talking about, and she asks him why he’s being such a super creep with this movie, reliving the painful experiences of his life with seemingly gleefulness.  In this, she asks him if he realizes that maybe, just maybe, she’s not over the whole breakup yet, and Dawson goes apeshit on her, telling her that she can go fuck herself; she broke up with him, so of fucking course he hasn’t moved on!  The movie is all he has now and it’s all that’s keeping him from killing himself!  So dramatic.


Grams tells Jen that she saw her working and was just so impressed by her that she actually feels pride towards her slut granddaughter for being good at something besides blowjobs.  She gives a little speech about feminism and Jen as a “woman movie producer” because Creek Times is going to take everyone straight to the top!  Then, in a classic Grams move, she still manages to make a dig at Jen’s promiscuous ways.  Nice.  Ty shows up to take Jen out, and Grams shows a modicum of humanity, telling Jen to “have a nice time”.

Dawson finds Pacey sulking and Pacey reveals that his ass just got dumped for being too pushy with Andi.  Dawson tells Pacey she probably didn’t mean it and Pacey’s all, “She meant it, bro.”  Dawson tells him that he needs to let her go then, and Pacey tells Dawson that he can’t be serious.  Has he even realized his stupid fucking movie is all about Joey and how he hasn’t let her go?  Pacey says he can’t let Andi go, and he won’t let her go.


Jen is super stoked to go out with Ty, and on their way to get some food, he proposes stopping by a friend’s house for a party.  Jen, having not gotten wasted and double teamed by two dudes in a week or so, is naturally game.  It doesn’t take long before we realize that this “party” was really a young people’s church group.  Oh Grams, you totally conned Jen!


Pacey stops by Andi’s with a rose, because why put in any real effort?  She slams the door in his face and tells him to get the fuck off her porch.  He decides that there’s no way she’s really done with him and attempts to climb the lattice to her room, which is kind of rape-y.  He tells her that he refuses to leave because he loves her and he’s convinced that he can make all her abandonment and depression issues vanish.  She tells him she loves him too and I guess takes him back?  That wasn’t hard at all.

Devin tells Dawson that she’s impressed with his directorial skills, but admits that he’s an idiot if he thinks people don’t see through this awful story.  Her psych professor would probably advise him to give up and get over in her.  Dawson finally admits that his movie is some kind of stupid personal self-indulgence that he’s using as therapy.  To prove that he has a totally healthy obsession, he tells Devin and Chris to go off and get something to eat while he hangs back on set to “be there”.


In the midst of Dawson “being there”, Joey shows up, and for the first time in the series, genuinely uses the words “I’m sorry”.  I’m blown away.  In 26 episodes, anytime she was a giant bitch, it was usually someone else’s fault, and she’d say as much.  Anyway, she’s been having a hard time watching one of the more emotionally devastating moments of her life get reenacted in front of her very eyes.  Maybe for his next movie, Dawson can have Sammy’s mom die and dad get thrown in prison!  Dawson admits that he thought a movie about his breakup would be some kind of cathartic way to help him get over her, something he hasn’t really been able to do.  All he wanted was to have his BFF back, so he pretended that he was over her so he wouldn’t scare her off.  He legit sounds psychotic.  Joey confesses that she too has been having a hard time, which is why she rushed into Jack’s Asperger-y arms so quickly.  They both agree that maybe it’s time that they move on, to wit he longingly watches her leave with Jack after being invited to join them for a bite to eat.


I knew I’d hate this episode.  I was right.


Crying Dawson Scale





3.5 out of 5 Crying Dawsons


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