Season 2, Episode 4: Tamara’s Return


Oh, how exciting!

I’m getting really sick of being forced to watch these two make out all the time.  The episode opens with them rolling around on a beach, making out.  BAM!  Right in our faces!  I get that new relationships are always the time when you’re, ahem, exploring the other person, but can they dial this back a little bit?  We get it!  Plus, I don’t think we were ever treated to extensive 45 second shots of Dawson and Jen making out.  Anyways, Joey stops the fun, because she’s Joey, and tells Dawson that she thinks his beach make out session was cheesy.  Dawson is just trying to be romantic, girl!  She appreciates that he’s trying, but thinks that he needs to dial it back a bit.  They bookend the conversation by resuming making out.

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Bro Dad really is going through with his stupid scuba themed restaurant idea, and he and Dawson are meeting a potential property owner.  Imagine Dawson’s surprise when the owner is none other than Tamara!  He’s shocked and leaves almost immediately.

At school, he really wants to warn Pacey that Tamara is in town, but approaches him in such a way that Pacey dismisses him, because he’s tired of having to help Dawson and Joey’s boring relationship.  Dawson opts not to tell him.

Abby got her monthly allowance and wants to go blow it all at the mall with Jen.  Jen’s not really feeling a shopping trip because she’s all sad that Dawson rejected her pathetic advances.  Abby tells her that Dawson is a nerd and she needs to find herself a real man and she’s really disappointing as a friend because Abby expected her to be a giant hobag.  Jen just wants her friendship with the gang to be back to where it was and feels like she’s missing out on something now.  Right, Jen, because spending all your free time with the bitchy, condescending girl is a great way to keep your friendships.  Abby tells her to get the fuck over it already and, hey, Abby was totally in “Freddy vs. Jason”!

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Andi drops a bunch of movies right in front of Pacey because in The Creek you’re either a frigid bitch, slut or movie aficionado.  Pacey goes on about the merits of “Dumbo” because that’s topical, and Andi tells him to back off.  He tells her that he’s being sincere in his topical movie exposition and asks her out.  She reluctantly agrees.

Joey’s mentor is hosting some kind of art seminar and is going on and on about abstract impressionism.  Since the pictures aren’t moving, Dawson isn’t into it at all.  Afterwards, Joey is gushing about how smart Laura, her mentor, is, and Dawson tries to relate art to movies (ugh).  Joey tells him that he’s an asshole for not trying to enjoy some other, non-Spielbergian medium, and while I’m apt to agree, it’s Joey, so she’s just being bitchy.  Laura shows up and invites Joey to an art exhibit, and Joey’s thrilled.

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Oh shit, Tamara just ran into Pacey and Andi on the street during their date!  Without trying, she salts Pacey’s game, who immediately starts babbling and tripping over his words, absolutely shell-shocked at this new development.  After some awkward bantering, Tamara leaves and Pacey bails on Andi.

Guys, Joey is just so good at art.  At least, to Laura, she is.  She did a penciling of a bowl of fruit and apparently Laura thinks she’s the next fucking Monet.  Joey’s mom was an artist and Laura’s all, “What, she doesn’t do it anymore?” and Joey tells her that she doesn’t breathe anymore.  Ouch.  Laura really wants to foster Joey’s talents.

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Andi, who, near as I can remember has never even had a conversation with Dawson, let alone would know where he lives, shows up at Dawson’s house, acting like Rain Man.  She beats around the bush, finally asking if Pacey might have a thing for her and Dawson legit laughs at her.  Dawson’s able to make out with Joey on the reg, and apparently he’s Hugh fucking Hefner now.  She tells him that she likes him, but asks him not to say anything.  Dawson agrees and remembers that Andi is a human with feelings and tells her that maybe Pacey does like her and just hasn’t said anything.

Abby blew through her allowance, which looked like a nice, fat stack of cash, in all of 20 minutes.  As they’re eating, Jen remarks that it’s good to feel like a badass again.  What!?  You went shopping, Jen; you didn’t start a revolution!  These people!  There’s some super hottie sitting at the table behind them and Abby reminds all the viewers that she’s the school bicycle and starts flirting with him.  His name is Vincent, he’s a sailor/fisherman and hangs around the docks.  Abby’s really into him, but he seems to have eyes only for Jen.  This will go well for her, I’m sure.

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Joey tells Dawson that she’s really getting into this whole art thing, and Dawson becomes super patronizing.  I don’t really get what his deal is.  Is it because a new hobby will leave less room for late night make out sessions?  Or is it because art isn’t a damn movie to him?  Either way, he’s being a douche.  Joey tells him as much and leaves, and for whatever reason, he’s stunned.

Pacey approaches Tamara at her house, which isn’t really her house anymore, if you’ll remember.  They have a really awkward conversation about how the emotions are “overwhelming”, and no shit.  Hey Tamara, Pacey almost got you thrown in the slammer; maybe tell him to back the fuck off.  They end up standing in silence in front of some other person’s house that’s not Tamara.

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Dawson reveals to Bro Dad that he thinks the art thing is making Joey crazy.  I really don’t get what his hangup is here.  Just encourage her, you dolt!  Don’t be so patronizing about it.  Remember how butthurt you got when you read her diary and she called you a hack!?  Of course not, you self-centered dickwad.  Bro Dad tells him that he should really try talking to her; maybe there’s something bigger going on.  Or maybe you’re just being an ass.

Pacey shows up and tells Dawson he’s not over Tamara.  Dawson tells him he needs to stay the fuck away, for his own good.  As Pacey goes on about how Tamara may have been his only chance at happiness, Dawson tells him that that may not be entirely true, because Andi likes him.  Pacey doesn’t believe him and tells him that he wants a woman, not a girl.  Dawson tells him if he goes for Tamara, he’ll have his back.  What!?  The bipolar nature of The Creek strikes again, it would seem.

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Since the diner is dead, Joey asks if she can leave work to go to the art museum.  Bessie agrees and tells her to take Jack with her.  Joey’s all, “That mouthbreather can’t even mop a floor properly, what will he know about art?”, but asks him anyway.  He tells her he’d love to go, which I’m sure isn’t some kind of romantic plot setup at all!

So Tamara is showing the property to Bro Dad.  I get that she’s a person who can diversify her investments and we needed some kind of pretense for her returning to The Creek, but at what point did she say, “I’ll buy a warehouse!”.  It’s huge.  She tells Bro Dad that apparently she’s not the only one in this town who has some scandal attached to her name, and are they trying to establish something between them?  I mean, Tamara might be in town until Thursday night, a.k.a. Bro Dad Gets Some night, so who knows.

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It turns out that while Jack is terrible as a waiter, the kid knows his shit when it comes to art.  He gets a real hard on over the same painting from earlier, spouting off the same facts as Laura did.  Were they only budgeted to buy and use one piece of artwork for this episode?  There are literally dozens, DOZENS, of art pieces out there.  They kind of start flirting with each other as his art knowledge gets Joey all hot and bothered.  Uh oh, another guy with the same interests as Joey!  We’ve all been there before and know how that will turn out; Dawson won’t handle this well.

Abby and Jen are trolling the docks, looking for Vincent, that piece of man-meat from earlier.  They find him, shirtless, naturally, working on his boat.  Abby invites him out for drinks and he declines.  When Abby presses, he tells her that she’s a snob, and doesn’t feel like spending the night with someone who’s idea of excitement is slummin’ it with a dock worker.  Abby is absolutely devastated and books it out of there.  Jen defends her, for some reason, and he asks her out instead.  There are so many problems here.  First of all, can’t he tell that they’re 15?  He’s clearly twice that age.  Just so weird and gross.  Why do the writers have such a hard on for statutory rape?

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Jack tells Joey that she’s got a gift, and that she should draw what she loves.  As if on cue, Dawson shows up.  He tries to fix things with Joey and she shoots him down.  She’s tired of them being exactly the same, so why can’t he just let her have her hobby!?  She storms off and I’m so over these two.

Apparently, Tamara’s warehouse was more public knowledge than I thought, because Pacey turns up there to tell her that he’s over her.  They’re just on two totally different planets.  He tells her goodbye, then turns her around and they start kissing.  Tamara gets all flustered and Pacey tells her that he needed one for the road.  He asks her if she misses “teaching”, but the pause beforehand leads me to think he meant sex.  She tells him that she misses teaching, and he tells her he misses her teaching.  What a nice, not at all weird moment.

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Abby is being a super bitch to Jen because Jen took her man.  How dare she!?  She flips the fuck out on her for a good 30 seconds before telling her that she’s a slut and storming off.

Dawson wants some Goddamn answers as to why Joey is pushing him away.  She tells him that this art thing is really important to her and Dawson tells her that he’s afraid that the art will ruin what’s great about them.  What!?  Dude, you need to stop being so selfish!  How will Joey doing watercolor paintings ruin your relationship?  Do you hate watercolor paintings or something?  Get a grip!  Joey tells him that Jack told her to paint what she loved and AHAHAHAHAHA…

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It’s not cool with her that she loves Dawson!  She’s acting all neurotic and I’m as confused as Dawson.  I get that she wants to follow her passions, and definitely agree that Dawson needs to be more supportive and less of an ass about it, but I don’t get how her finding art as a passion has any negative repercussions on their relationship.  It’s all so contrived.  Plus, they’ve only been going out for like a month.  Anyway, Dawson doesn’t know where she’s at with him, and Joey tells him that she wants this to go unresolved, which isn’t entirely fair, but whatever.  Get your thoughts together and get back to me.

Pacey sees Andi eating at a restaurant and just sits down and helps himself to her burger.  That’s…kind of dicked.  He acts like a pompous jerk about her liking him and she tells him that she’s going to kill Dawson.  He tells to chill out; he’s attracted to her too.  At this revelation, we see Tamara in the window’s reflection and Pacey remarks that he “used to know” Tamara, but not anymore.  How poetic.

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Rating

Crying Dawson Scale

3.5 out of 5 Crying Dawsons

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