They say it takes three weeks to make something a habit. In that regard, it looks like writing these posts has become a bit of a habit for me, as it’s been three weeks since the first post went live. Hooray?
Surprise, surprise. We open with Dawson and Joey reviewing footage of his cornball movie in his room. The acting in it is less that stellar on Jen’s part, but Dawson apparently hasn’t noticed because he’s too enamored with her and his new relationship. As he keeps talking about where things are at with Jen, Joey rolls her eyes because she clearly wants Dawson and makes more passive aggressive remarks about Jen. Unless she’s still reeling from her failed fling in the last episode, Joey needs to get over herself.
I don’t know if the writers wrote for Frasier or The West Wing, but they clearly didn’t do any research on high school students. The vocabulary that the characters use on this show is so advanced that it’s borderline distracting at times. High school students don’t use words and expressions like “fundamentally flawed”. Hell, I’m a college educated 27-year old, and I don’t know if I’ve ever used that expression.
Anyway, as they’re reviewing the footage, they stumble upon the shot of Tamara/Miss Jacobs getting railed in The Ruins by an unidentified gentleman. Dawson seems genuinely pleased, and it’s probably for the best that he has film editing equipment covering up his erection, or Joey’s eyes would probably roll right out of her fucking skull.
Dawson and Joey bring news of their accidental porno to Jen and Pacey. Jen thinks it’s really funny, but Pacey is freaked the fuck out. He tries to play it off as his crush on the hot teacher and asks Dawson if he can see the footage too, and Dawson agrees to oblige him with a private screening later. Joey rightfully calls Pacey a pervert. It’s kind of disturbing that Dawson would encourage Pacey’s lustings by showing him the footage. Think about it; if you found porn of someone that you knew, you’d have to look them in the eye eventually afterwards. Wouldn’t you rather be able to do so knowing that you turned it off as soon as the pieces came together?
Hey, Grams is back! I was worried she suffered from Pilot syndrome and had been unceremoniously written off. She watches Dawson and Jen disapprovingly through the window as they struggle with whether or not they want to put on a show for her, finally deciding it’s not worth it to repress teenage desire. They kiss.
Jen goes inside and Grams tells her that she best keep it in her pants unless she wants New York to happen all over. Again with new York! Just fucking tell us what happened already! We get one more piece of the puzzle figured out when Grams says that Jen was sent to stay with her by her parents, but that’s it. How annoying. Jen tells Grams to fuck off and let her be a slutbag if she wants to be a slutbag.
You know, I kind of feel bad for Grams. She took Jen in and all of their interactions are painfully unpleasant because Jen treats her like shit. Jen, she’s giving you room and board for free because your parents didn’t feel like trying anymore. Cut her some fucking slack.
Through a bit of exposition at Dawson’s house, we find out it’s his parents 20th anniversary in a few days and that his mom has been staying out late. Uh oh!
Dawson goes upstairs and finds Pacey tearing all his shit apart trying to find the teacher porno. Dawson’s all “What the fuck, man? I told you I’d let you see it, chill out! She just a teacher! Don’t ruin my dailies!” and Pacey reveals that he’s the gentleman porking Tamara. Dawson is shocked, but kind of proud of Pacey. Pacey then asks Dawson what he thought of his performance, and Dawson fucking answers him. I cannot even begin to explain how weirded out I am by that. Do you really want to tell your friend you thought he did a great job losing his virginity? Anyway, Pacey leaves, having never addressed how potentially bad this situation could become for himself or Miss Jacobs.
While shopping for an anniversary present for his parents, Dawson and Joey run into Dawson’s mom and co-anchor Bob out and about wardrobe shopping. Bob is very pleasant, Joey is frigid (of course), his mom hides her concern, and Dawson really likes his future new dad. Joey tells Dawson that she thinks Bob is a tool and continues to do Dawson a disservice by not telling him what’ she knows.
Pacey runs into Tamara while she’s out, in public, having lunch and sits right down to start talking to her about the sex lives of the literary characters in his required reading. He thinks that sex in these books is always cautionary, not fun. If anyone were to walk by and overhear, they’d probably think it’s odd that a teacher and student are discussing sex. I can’t help but feel that Pacey is tempting the gods when he says that they need to read something where there aren’t any sexual consequences. Maybe he’ll get VD or something. Fingers crossed.
Dawson and Jen are reviewing his movie footage, including her painfully bad scream, in his room and it naturally turns into a make out session. Dawson tries to take things a little farther and get to second base, but Jen thinks it would be better for him to have blue balls.
As if the scream wasn’t bad enough when it was filmed, Dawsom takes Jen to the news studio to dub a new scream. It’s even worse than the first take. It needs to be noted that Dawson is able to use the studio’s equipment whenever he pleases because he’s fucking Dawson and no one tells him no, ever. Since Jen can’t even pretend to scream decently, they take a break. Out in the hall, Dawson spots his mom and OH SHIT! Bob just comes out and jams his tongue down her throat.
Now, we can assume that everyone at the studio knows that Dawson’s mom is married to Bro Dad, so you’d think there’d be a little discretion exercised by the two of them. Apparently not.
You know that scene in Ferris Bueller where Cameron goes catatonic after seeing how many miles were put on his dad’s Porsche? Dawson reacts to overseeing his mom whoring around much the same way, only this time there’s some rocking riffs played as backing tracks. It’s really funny. I can only hope that things will progress in the same fashion and he’ll try to drown himself, but seeing as the show isn’t called Pacey’s Creek and I’ve got 118 episodes left, I’m not holding my breath. He stares off into The Creek as Jen tries to console him and tells him that he can talk to her if he needs to.
Naturally, he goes to Joey instead. In the course of his revelation, Joey tells Dawson that she’s known for a while now. Dawson gets pissed at Joey for keeping this a secret from him because they’re supposed to be friends, and Joey, ever the good friend, blames Dawson for not realizing that something was happening sooner because he’s been too distracted with Jen. Never mind that Dawson is hurt and confused right now, kick him while he’s down, Joey. Having had enough of her shit, Dawson tells Joey she can get fucked and storms off dramatically.
He goes to Jen’s, and, finally showing some balls, tells Grams that he likes Jen and that he’s not just a walking boner. They go for a walk and we FINALLY find out what happened in New York. Here it comes, you guys. Jen was a big ol’ slut. That’s it. She was sent to her grandparents because she had sex with like two dudes. Not even at the same time. That seems like a bit of an overreaction on her parent’s part. Like, try parenting. Ground her. Getting your daughter to avoid knocking boots with half the city isn’t a Sisyphean task. After she’s done, Jen asks Dawson if he’s alright, and he says he is, but he’s visibly upset that the opportunity to pop her cherry has been stripped of him.
Back at school, Pacey sees Tamara flirting with Mr. Gold and decides that her classroom is the best place to confront her about it. Fortunately there aren’t any other students present as he tells Tamara she’s cheating on him. Remember Benji from the first episode? That’s the teacher she was flirting with in the hallway and he’s gay! Wait, if Benji is a teacher, wouldn’t he have recognized Pacey at the theater macking on Tamara? Shouldn’t she be concerned about that at all? Because he’s a fucking idiot, he then asks why she spurned him at lunch the other day and wouldn’t hold his hand. She tells him to quit being butt hurt and trying to get her ass thrown in jail for statutory rape. At least someone on this show understands discretion.
Jen asks Dawson why he’s been avoiding her since she revealed that she’s damaged goods. He says nothing, so she tells him to fuck off and storms away.
Having pissed off his girlfriend, and hating the other girl in his life for keeping a secret from him, Dawson goes to Pacey (yes, that Pacey) for advice on how he should handle this situation. Pacey tells Dawson that once a slut, always a slut, and that Jen is open for business and he should get on that. Dawson says he wants romance and Pacey calls him a pussy. Pacey loses his virginity and suddenly he’s Don Juan. Dawson doesn’t want plot twists in his life anymore and decides that he’s going to tell his dad.
Bro Dad is super excited for anniversary sex when Dawson shows up to spill the beans about his mom. Ultimately, he pusses out and tells his dad to have a great time. Bro Dad’s response is “I will!” with a huge, shit-eating grin. Everyone’s getting lucky but Dawson.
Having missed each and every social cue that Joey hates her fucking guts, Jen goes to her for advice on how to handle Dawson’s dickheadery. Joey explains to her that Dawson is an immature cry baby, and that Jen needs to just wait for him to come to terms with the fact that she was a ho fo’ sho.
Pacey and Tamara are at what I’m assuming is her house since it’s not a house boat and Pacey wants to know her number. Apparently, it’s two and no one’s been in her clap trap for a few years now. Pacey wants to know what’s up with that since she’s hot, and her answer is to simply smile at him. Probably VD is my guess.
Joey finds Dawson down by The Creek and patronizes him for being a dick about Jen not being his virgin to deflower anymore. Dawson tells her she can fuck off because they’re not friends anymore. She tells him to quit being immature and over a few barbs back and forth, they manage to patch everything up. This devolves into a conversation about how they must have been married in a past life, and YAWN, the sexual tension between the two is getting old. Either nut up or shut up, Joey. Quit being passive aggressive to everyone involved in Dawson’s life just because you’re a frigid bitch who shoots down everyone who makes a pass at you. It’s unfair and uncool.
Joey leaves and watches Dawson longingly as he continues to stare out across The Creek.